Wednesday, November 26, 2014


Drive safely, my fellow massholes.

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This Sounds About Right

via @LJcartoons

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Your Tweet Of The Day


Technically, the Cubs have offered Jon Lester "north of" $135 million for six years, whatever that means, and the Red Sox, according to CBS Sports, have made an offer "close to" $130 million for six years.

I really hope Jon Lester does the right thing and chooses comfort and the chance at another World Series over sucking with Theo for the next half decade.

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PHOTO: The Red Sox Introduced Pablo Sandoval With A Press Conference Today Then Had Him Pose With A Dude In A Panda Costume. I Shit You Not.

First this happened:

Then this:

I understand the marketing thing, but I think the Red Sox are trying just a little too hard with this one.  I mean, this is just tacky.

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FINAL: Penguins 3 Bruins 2 (OT)

The headlines everywhere else will read, "Malkin's two goals lead Penguins past the Bruins."  The reality is, the Bruins got screwed.  One of the disallowed goals was obviously a goal.  There is no doubt in my mind.  Meaning, that game was pure bullshit.

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Yup, The Bruins Got Screwed Last Night.

The refs ruled that this puck was intentionally knocked in by Carl Soderberg.  It was obviously a bullshit call.  And the Bruins lost to the Penguins 3-2 in overtime.

If they had gotten this call right, the Bruins basically would have won the game.  And if my aunt had a dick, she'd be my uncle.

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Monday, November 24, 2014

This Actually Happened.

The Hanley Ramirez deal is reportedly for 5 years and $90 million. The Pablo Sandoval deal is reportedly for 5 years and $100 million. My friggin head is still spinning right now. I don't even know how to make sense of this.

This team needs pitching badly and they just spent $190 million on a third baseman and a shortstop.  What the hell does this all mean and how the hell does this make any sense?

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Ladies And Gentlemen, Your 2015 Boston Red Sox

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Sunday, November 23, 2014

FINAL: Patriots 34 Lions 9

No team has scored more than 24 points against the Lions all season.  And today, the Patriots dropped 34 on them.  That's how friggin hot this team is right now.

Not only did Tom Brady throw for 349 yards and two touchdowns, Steelers castoff LeGarrette Blount had two touchdowns.  Seriously, the Steelers look like such assholes right now.  Tim Wright also had two touchdowns and now has six on the season.

And the Patriots secondary did it's job and absolutely shut down the Lions receivers.  Matthew Stafford didn't even throw a single touchdown for Christ's sake.

The Patriots have now won seven games in a row and there is no other team even on their level right now.  They've won their last four games by at least 21 points and in their last three games, they've bitchslapped the Lions, Colts and Broncos--all division leaders.

Screw the Arizona Cardinals, the Patriots are the best team in the NFL right now.  Period.  End of story.

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VIDEO: Lions Center Dominic Raiola Tried To Injure Zach Moore On The Last Play Of The Game And Then Admitted It To The Media. What A Dick.

Here is the last play of the game today. That is Lions center Dominic Raiola going low on Zach Moore.

And after the game, Raiola admitted it.

From the TheDetroitFreePress:
“I cut him,” Raiola said. “We took a knee, so I cut the nose (tackle). They went for six (a touchdown). They went for a touchdown at 2 minutes. They could have took three knees and the game could have been over. It’s football. He wants to keep playing football, let’s play football. Not a big deal. It’s football.”

What a fucking dick.  Your move, Goodell.

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Wow. Chris Burke Of Sports Illustrated Looks Like The Biggest Asshole Of Them All Right Now.


And he gets paid to write about the NFL.  Sports Illustrated actually pays this guy for his "expertise" and opinions.  Well, today he kind of looks like an asshole.  Four games down and the Patriots are 4-0.

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GIF: LeGarrette Blount Scored Two Touchdowns In His First Game Back With The Patriots And Did A Pretty Awesome TD Dance Too.

LeGarrette Blount, ladies and gentlemen.

What Do You Do When A Dude Gets In Your Face After A TD? How About This.

Tim Wright has swagger. I friggin love it.

GIF: Julien Edelman Made The Lions Look Stupid On This Punt Return. Sucks That It Was Called Back Because Of A Penalty.

Here Are The Patriots Lions Keys To The Game

Over their last six game, the Patriots are averaging over 40 points a game.  Sure, the Lions are allowing a league low 15.6 points per game but there is no reason to think this Patriots offense is going to slow down.  Plus, stats are for losers.  My official prediction:  Patriots 45  Lions 10.

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Here's Something To Get You Fired Up For Today's Game: A GIF Of Gronk Literally Blowing Dudes Up.

I am so friggin ready for Gronk to go full beast mode today.

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The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Seems To Think LeGarrette Blount Leaving The Steelers Was A Bill Belichick Conspiracy. What A Bunch Of Assholes.

From The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:
Did LeGarrette Blount walk out on the Steelers so he could walk right back to the New England Patriots?
There is no evidence that occurred, but the way the whole thing transpired can raise suspicions and speculation that it was planned. Without skipping a beat, Blount went from a team fighting to make the playoffs to one among the favorites to win it all.

Why wouldn’t there be suspicions that it was all planned? Although there are tampering rules that prohibit players of one team or their representatives from contacting other teams, that goes on all the time.

Who is to know if someone’s agent calls someone on another team and says his halfback could easily get out of his contract with his team if the other would like to have him? No one would know except the agent and the other team’s rep.

Wow.  Talk about a smear campaign.  How the hell did this article make it past layers of editors?  It sounds like something you would read in the comments section of a shitty Steelers blog or something.

The bottom line is, the Steelers had no idea how to use LeGarrette Blount so they limited his playing time and the dude was pissed off.  He didn't know he would be cut after his revolt.  To say the Patriots tampered and orchestrated his exit in Pittsburgh is irresponsible and kinda douchey.

I can't believe this was actually published in a major media outlet.  Whoever the assholes are who run that newspaper owe the Patriots organization, Bill Belichick and Robert Kraft a public apology.

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Saturday, November 22, 2014

The Bruins Lost To The Canadiens, But At Least They Won The Dick Measuring Contest.

Here is Torey Krug whaling on Alex Galchenyuk:

And here's Gregory Campbell punching that douche Dale Weise in the face:

PK Subban Posted A Picture With Bobby Orr On Instagram This Morning...And I Think I Just Puked A Little Bit.

The Canadiens are coming to the Garden tonight for the first time since bouncing the Bruins in the playoffs last season and PK Subban posted this picture on Instagram this morning.  What a ball buster.

via Instagram/Subbanator

The greatest defenseman in the history of the NHL and the most overrated defenseman in the history of the NHL (and one of the biggest pussies).  Yea, I think I just puked in my mouth. 

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GIF: Dalton Prout Sucker Punched Milan Lucic As Time Expired Last Night And Knocked Him On His Ass. What A Fucking Mancunt.

Watch Dalton Prout basically attack Milan Lucic as time expired in overtime last night.

All the Milan Lucic haters are going to say that he "lost the fight" or "got knocked out." The dude never even took his fucking gloves off!

This wasn't a fight. This was an attack, plain and simple. And this mancunt Prout deserves at least a fine and probably a suspension. If Milan Lucic did what Prout did, all the blowhards and Bruins haters would be calling for his friggin head right now.

I can't wait for all the hypocrites to come out of the woodworks and defend this mancunt, Prout.  It's coming.  And it's going to be fucking nauseating.

By the way, Prout and Lucic each got two minutes for roughing and Lucic got 10 minute game misconduct.  How the fuck does any of that make sense?

Here's the video, as it happened:

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