Thank You, Fuck You. Thursday Edition

Thank you Jon Lester

Fuck you NBA owners

Randy “Macho Man” Savage’s Cause Of Death Revealed…More Importantly, His Real Name Has Been Revealed. It Was Randy Poffo.

The Huffington Post reported last night that Randy Macho Man Savage died because he had heart disease and “something went wrong” moments before he lost control of his car.

More importantly, Huffington Post revealed that Randy “Macho Man” Savages real name was Randy Poffo. I know, I know. I could have just read his wikipedia page and learned that, but I didnt. I just learned it last night when I read The Huffington Post. And that sucks.

Chris Hansen Caught Cheating On Wife In An Undercover Camera Sting...Somewhere A Pedofile Is Smiling

Chris Hansen, the dude from To Catch A Predator, was caught cheating on his wife through a hidden camera sting operation.

Hansen and his 30 year old mistress were seen “having a romantic dinner at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Manalapan just before heading over to Caddell’s Palm Beach apartment to spend the night.”

The irony here is just incredible considering Hansen made a career out of humiliating men on camera.

Somewhere, a pedophile is smiling.

Hours Before Last Nights Game, Phillies Starting Pitcher Asks Dustin Pedroia For Autograph, Pedroia Says No.

Just hours before last nights game, Phillies starting pitcher Vance Worley sent someone to get Dustin Pedroia’s autograph for him on a baseball...and got denied.

Good for Pedroia. Worley was last nights starting pitcher. Why the frig should Pedroia sign a baseball for a guy who he is going to face that night?

Worley said, “he wouldn’t give me one until I met him.”

HAHA classic excuse!

That’s like walking past a homeless guy whose begging for change and you tell him, “I don’t have anything on me” when you actually do. You just don’t want to give the asshole any change.

Good for Pedroia. Im sick of this ass grabbing that goes on in major league baseball among players on other teams. I hate seeing David Ortiz hugging Jorge Posada before Red Sox Yankees games or John Lackey chatting with players on the Angels. I wish more players would do what Pedroia did. Kudos.

Even People ACTING As Baseball Players Did Steroids During Steroid Era. Charlie Sheen Admits To Using While Preparing For Role In Movie "Major League."

Charlie Sheen admitted that he used steroids to prepare for his role in the movie Major League, which came out in 1989. So even people ACTING as baseball players did steroids during the steroid era? What the fuck. This just goes to show how big the steroid epidemic was.

Id love to hear the story behind the story. I wonder if Charlie Sheen was so fucked up on coke that he thought he was playing real baseball games. Kinda makes you wonder.

NHL 94 Legend Ed Belfour Inducted Into Real Life Hockey Hall Of Fame

The Hockey Hall of Fame Class of 2011 was announced yesterday. Ed Belfour, Doug Gilmour, Mark Howe and Joe Nieuwendyk will all be inducted.

Whats peculiar is that Ed Belfour is the only inductee who got voted in on his first ballot. All the others have been on the ballot for at least one year. Was Ed Belfour’s career really that much better than the others?

Well, there is one area where he stood far above the others—in the EA Sports video games. If you’ve ever played EA Sports NHL 94, then you know that Ed Belfour was nasty. He played for the Chicago Blackhawks that year and had a rating of 98. Only Ray Bourque (rating 99) and Mario Lemieux (rating 100) had higher ratings.

I wonder if the committee considered his legendary status on EA Sports’ NHL 94 as criteria. Doug Gilmour, Mark Howe and Joe Nieuwendyk were mere mortals in the EA Sports NHL series. Kinda makes you wonder.

You’d Think Francona Was Asking Adrian Gonzalez To Bang His Wife Or Something. Whats The Big Friggin Deal?

Its not like Terry Francona is asking Adrian Gonzalez to bang his wife. Geez. Do you think the media is overreacting to this a bit?

I pick up the newspaper today, I read about Adrian Gonzalez playing right field. I turn on the radio, I hear about about Adrian Gonzalez playing right field. I go online, I see tons of articles about Adrian Gonzalez playing right field.

Listen, Gonzalez is going to spend most of the game standing in right field with his thumb up his ass. I just don’t understand why is the media making such a big deal out of this?

The only story here is the fact that the media is trying to fill the void left by the Bruins and they are clinging onto non stories.

Yup, This About Sums It Up...

courtesty of MacLeod Cartoons

Cliff Lee Makes Red Sox Look Like A Bunch Of Little Bitches. Pitches Complete Game, Two Hitter.

It was as if the Red Sox didn’t even bother to show up last night. 2 friggin hits? Well, in all fairness Cliff Lee pitched his third consecutive complete game shut. So I guess he had a little something to do with it.

Want some more bad news? John Lackey is pitching Wednesday night.

Its Official: Dropkick Murphys To Play Fenway Park In September. Mighty Mighty Bosstones Will Open.

According to the Red Sox official website, the Dropkick Murphys will be playing at Fenway Park September 8th and 9th. And the Mighty Mighty Bosstones will be opening for them.

Whats kinda bizarre is that they will be playing on a stage that hovers over the bullpens in right field. Seating will be in the bleachers and grandstand sections.

Tickets go on sale Thursday.

Philadelphia Columnist Says Boston Fans Are Obnoxious. Please, Allow Me To Respond.

A douche bag columnist for wrote an article recently titled "Boston fans have become obnoxious." In the article, he basically goes on and on about how Boston sports fans are spoiled because of our city's abundance of championships over the past ten years and says that we are basically sore winners.

He comes across as a frustrated sports columnist who is jealous of Boston's success.

If this dude wants to have a pissing match about whose fans are more obnoxious, I gladly accept that challenge. So please allow me to respond by explaining WITH FACTS NOT OPINIONS (as Michael Felger would say) that prove Philadelphia fans are more obnoxious than Boston fans.

We all heard about that loser who ran onto the field during a Phillies game a few years ago and got tased. Well, running onto the field happens. But what makes this story obnoxious is that he had called his dad moments before he ran onto the field .

He said, “Dad, can I run on the field?” To which his father responded, “I don't think you should, son.” Unless the dude is mentally retarded, I cannot understand why he called his dad and asked permission.

Then there was the Phillies fan who was arrested for intentionally puking on an 11-year-old girl (who happened to be the daughter of a police officer).

Allegedly, the scum bag was being escorted out of the park for being unruly and he leaned over, put two fingers down his throat and vomited on the daughter of the guy who complained about him. But that isnt obnoxious, right?

Then there was the Phillies fan who, in 2009, placed an ad on craiglslist offering sex for World Series tickets. With a face like that, the best she was going to get was maybe bleacher seats. Anyway, she got arrested before she got tickets.

A few years ago, Flyers fans almost booed Sarah Palin out of the building when she was dropping the ceremonial first puck WITH HER DAUGHTERS BY HER SIDE. That doesnt make a fan obnoxious though, right?

Back in 2001 a Flyers fan broke through the glass and fought Tie Domi INSIDE the penalty box. Again, unless the dude is mentally retarded, there is no excuse for jumping into a penalty box and picking a fight with Tie Domi.

But Boston sports fans are obnoxious because our teams win championships and we gloat about it. One more time: unless you are mentally retarded, you know that Philadelphia sports fans are more obnoxious that Boston sports fans.

(VIDEOS) Where Does Dirk Nowitzki’s “Ceremonial First Pitch” Rank Among Other Celebrity First Pitches?

Dirk Nowitzki threw out the ceremonial first pitch at a Texas Rangers game last weekend. It wasnt even close.

So where does Dirk Nowitzki’s pathetic first pitch rank among other celebrity first pitches:

Dirk Nowitzki:

Kevin Garnett throwing first pitch at Red Sox game August 1st 2007:

Justin Bieber:

Mariah Carey:

Barack Obama:

Charlie Brown:

The Strangest Thing You Will Ever Hear (today): Eddie Vedder Singing Song About The Cubs

This is Eddie Veddar singing a song he wrote called "All The Way." Its about the Cubs and being a Cubs fan. I guess this song came out like three years ago but I just heard it for the first time today.

Im a huge Pearl Jam fan but I must say, when Eddie Veddar does solo projects they tend to me very "emo" and lame. This kinda fits that mold.

Loser Phillies Fan Still Has A Hot Dog He Bought At Veterans Stadium In 2003

With the Red Sox heading to Philadelphia to play a three game set with the Phillies, I decided to troll the internet for Phillies news. The most interesting article I could find was about a slob who bought a hot dog from Veterans Stadium in 2003, brought it home, put it in his freezer and left if there for eight years.


the man bought eight hot dogs at the Phillies game on June 6, 2003 at Veterans Stadium, but decided to take the final wiener home to eat as a snack later. He never devoured it and instead has kept the hot dog in his freezer despite moving multiple times.”

I have three issues with this.
  1. Who the hell takes a hot dog home from a baseball game and freezes it for later?
  2. Anyone who doesn’t clean out there freezer at least once a year is a friggin slob.
  3. I find it really hard to believe the hot dog lasted eight years with a wife that fat.

So I Guess Wade Boggs Is Now An Actor?

I don’t know if appearing in an a Syfy channel original movie counts as acting. But Wade Boggs was in the Syfy original movie “Swamp Shark” which premiered Saturday night. Boggs played Deputy Stanley.

Seems kinda fitting considering for the last few years of his career, Boggs was acting like a baseball player.

Heres the trailer, which Boggs doesnt even appear in.

(PHOTO) Tim Thomas Sand Sculpture At Hampton Beach Competition Doesn’t Even Finish In Top 5. That’s Bullshit.

Hampton Beach had their 11th annual Master Sand Sculpting Competition this weekend and some dude made a sand sculpture of Tim Thomas.

Ignore the fact that it looks like Thomas is wearing street hockey goalie pads, has his stick stuck under his leg and is wearing an oven mitt instead if a glove. This is a pretty kick ass sculpture and should have at least finished in the top five.

The dude who won sculpted something called “Phase Shifter” and it doesn’t even look like anything. Its some abstract art bullshit or something.

(VIDEO) Tim Thomas Speaking To Reporters After 2009-2010 Season, Trying To Cope With The Idea Of Being A Backup For The Rest Of His Career

I found this video on NESN.

This is a video of Tim Thomas speaking to reporters after the 2010 season. Remember, in that season he had lost his job to Tuukka Rask and people were calling for him (and his heft salary) to be traded. He was basically a has been who wasnt wanted anymore.

In this video, Thomas sounds like a man who is having a really hard time coping with the fact that it was the beginning of the end of his career. The idea of winning a Stanley Cup, a Conn Smythe and another Vezina wasnt even a twinkle in his eye at this point. Kinda chilling.

Red Sox Lead Majors In Almost Every Offensive Categories...Yet Lost To Pathetic Pirates Last Night. What The Fuck?

The bad news is that the Red Sox have lost three games in a row, two to the Padres and one to the Pirates. The good news is that the Red Sox are leading the majors in almost every offensive category and they have a guy named Adrian Gonzalez who is currently batting .360.

So how the hell did the Red Sox just lose to the Pittsburg Pirates? How did they lose two out of three to the spanish "fathers?" If anyone has any answers, please tell me. Because I am coming down from my Bruins high and Im crashing pretty hard right now. This is friggin painful.

Bruins Didnt Make The Cover Of Sports Illustrated This Week Despite Winning Stanley Cup. Current Cover Is Of A Golf Course.

An original six franchise won the Stanley Cup, their goalie had a season on par with some of the all-time greats and the cover of SI this week is a friggin golf course? Really?

No one watches golf anymore. Even during the Tiger Woods era no one watched golf…they would watch Tiger Woods.

But I guess the people in the waiting room at the dentist like to read about golf and probably don’t understand that “niche sport” called hockey. Whatever.

I know, I know. The Bruins got a commemorative edition. But its not the same. Every team who wins a championship gets a commemorative SI.

The weekly edition is the one you buy, put in the attic and keep forever. And Sports Illustrated didnt give us that.

Will It Be Pearl Jam, Dropkick Murphys Or Mighty Mighty Bosstones At Fenway Park This September?

The Boston Herald’s Inside Track is reporting that the Red Sox have applied for concert permits for September 8 through September 10 and that “the Sox are seeking permission to host concerts by two local bands as well as GM Theo Epstein’s personal rock fave.”

They threw around the names Pearl Jam, Dropkick Murphys and Mighty Mighty Bosstones. Stay tuned...

(PHOTO) New Whitey Bulger Picture. Dude Looks More Like Elliott From Jordans Furniture Than FBI Sketch

Was Whitey Bulger trying to look like Elliot from Jordans furniture? Seriously, he could have lived in the Boston area for the past 16 years got a job as an Elliott lookalike and no one would have called the FBI.

And could the FBI sketch artist have been any more wrong? Well, I guess if you take away his Bruins playoff beard, he kinda looks like the FBI sketch.

(PHOTO) Tim Thomas Holding 2 Trophies That Roberto Luongo Only Touches In His Wet Dreams

Ladies and gentlemen, Tim Thomas has now won 2 Vezina Trophys in the last three years. He's won a Conn Smythe and a Stanley Cup. And he has Bernie Parent congratulating him. Mother fucker.

Oh yea, and he has a mustache that looks like two breakfast sausages. But thats ok. Its easy to ignore the mustache when you have a Conn Smythe award in one hand and a Vezina in the other.

Bernie Parent Welcomes Tim Thomas To Elite Club Via Twitter. Thats Friggin Respect.

Its officially ok to mention the names "Tim Thomas" and "Bernie Parent" in the same sentence...and as a Bruins fan, that gives me chills.

Last night Tim Thomas became the first goalie since Bernie Parent to win the Vezina, Conn Smythe and Stanley Cup in the same year (Parent did it in 1974 and 1975). And Parent congratulated Tim Thomas via twitter.

When Bernie Parent is sending you a congratulatory tweet, that’s friggin respect:

(PHOTO) Brad Marchand's New Tattoo: Starley Cup Champians!

Brad Marchand got a new tattoo. Im going to guess that Marchand was a little drunk when he got this...and the dude who did it may have been drunk too.

Its supposed to say “Stanley Cup Champions Boston Bruins” but it looks more like “Starley Cup Champians.” On a side not, who the frig gets a tattoo on the side of their belly?

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