More Proof Ochocinco Is Better Than You

If you didnt have electricity, do think you could maneuver through the house ninja style and actually hit the toilet without cheating? Women dont know what Im talking about, but its hard to aim and actually find the toilet water without a nightlight on. You have to find it by sound, you style. And Ochocinco did. The man has talent. Im impressed.

Red Sox Photo Of The Night

All bark, no bite. Francisco Cervelli just got plunked and he has the balls to get in Saltalamacchia’S face but doesn’t do anything. Typical bitch.

Fail Of The Night

Friggin amateurs.

Yankees Threaten To Sue Small Business Making “Baseballs Evil Empire” Shirts. I Guess They’re Living Up To The Nickname.

Nothing like shitting on the little man. The Yankees and Major League Baseball have threatened to sue a small company that makes “Baseballs Evil Empire” merchandise.

The company, Evil Enterprises Inc, has a patent pending with the United States Patent and Trademark Office so they’re doing this legit. Yet the Yankees are still bullying them.

According to, the Yankees and MLB sent Evil Enterprises a Notice of Opposition arguing that the merchandise would cause "confusion and deceive the public into thinking the T-shirts and caps were Yankees products."

Cmon. The Yankees are really suing because they dont like the idea of someone else making money off of their brand.

The Red Sox dont have a problem with those petty sausage vendors on Landsdowne Street making money off of their fanbase. And Ive never heard of the Red Sox suing any of the tshirt peddlers you see outside of Fenwag Park selling bootleg merchandise. Thats because the Red Sox have class. And this is proof that the Yankees really do suck.

(VIDEO) Michael Ryder Drops The Friggin Stanley Cup

Friggin Michael Ryder. Ugg. Well, I cant really bash the dude because he was a big part of the Stanley Cup run. Sure, during the regular season he was a no-show, but the dude performed in the playoffs. So he gets a mulligan.

And you gotta love how Ryder asks the security guard, "who set that table up, you?" As if he wants to kick his ass. Anyway, if you want to watch the most prestigious trophy in all of sports fall to the ground, press play:

Yankees Fans: The Douchiest Of Them All

This guy is the king of douchebaggery. Wow, Id like to punch him right in his annoying throat tattoo.

Videos Of Yankees Fans Getting Hit In The Face With Foul Balls

Ive posted these videos before, but with the Yankees coming to town tonight I figured Id post them again. Watching Yankees fans getting hit in the face with foul balls never gets old. Enjoy:

This douchebag Yankees fan is talking on his cell phone when the ball bounces and hits him directly in the face. He had plenty of time to get out of the way...had he not been on his cellphone. Sweet justice. By the way, pay attention to the announcers. Hilarious.

This loser appears to reach for the ball and flat out misses. Hilarity ensues.

In this video, the ball appears to ricochet and hit the asshole in the back of the head. Awesome.

This one is classic. The lady holding the camera gets hit in the head. Unfortunately, you cant see it...but you can hear the crowds reaction.

Whats ironic is this video is that the dude has a baseball glove in his hand. Too bad he wasnt prepared. Awe, I feel so bad for the dickhead.

Here is a bonus sixth video. Watch the ball ricochet and hit the chubby Yankee fan off the side of her face. Jackpot!

(PHOTO) Brad Marchand Eating Cereal From Stanley Cup. Classic.

It seems the legend of Brad Marchand grows every day. Today is Brad Marchand's day with the Stanley Cup and the Bruins just tweeted a picture of Brad Marchand eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal out of the Stanley Cup. Classic.

(via @NHLBruins)

other Masshole Sports articles:

Charlie Jacobs Jumps Over Stanley Cup On His Fancy Horse. Im Sure The Blue Collar, Beer Pounding Bruins Fanbase Is Really Impressed.

Jeremy Jacobs’ son, Charlie Jacobs, jumped over the Stanley Cup on the family owned horse of Friday. It was part of the second annual Putnam Boston Equestrian Classic Preview Party on the Boston Common.

Sounds kinda snobby right and out-of-touch right?

Well, dont make fun of him, Bruins fans. Show jumping (as the other half calls it) is Charlie Jacobs hobby. "Believe it or not, owning a hockey team and show jumping are a similar ride, a similar euphoria," Jacobs told the Adirondack Daily Enterprise.

Im sure most Bruins fans agree Charlie. Im sure they all feel the same way.

Boston Cannons Win Major League Lacrosse Championship. This Is Stunning...Boston Has A Professional Lacrosse Team?

The Boston Cannons have won their first Major League Lacrosse championship. This is stunning. Not the fact that the Cannons won, but the fact that Boston has a Major League Lacrosse team.

I read both papers every day and I cant remember one article about a team called the Boston Cannons. Sorry dudes. But hey, congratulations.

Weather Channel FAIL

I guess the Weather Channel thinks Hurricane Irene pushed Boston into Maine and NYC into New Hampshire.

Reporter Interviews Drunk Lady During Hurricane Irene In Baltimore

Today is kinda a slow sports day, so I'll entertain you all by giving you the best Hurricane Irene coverage on the internet.

Watch this reporter try and get a "word on the street." One problem, the only people on the streets of Baltimore during Hurricane Irene are drunk.

(VIDEO) Reporter Covering Hurricane Irene Gets Covered In Sea Foam. Poor Bastard.

Watch this reporter in Ocean City, MD get covered head to toe in sea foam. And you thought your job sucks.

(VIDEO) Watch This Crazy Bastard Go Kiteboarding During Hurricane Irene

Most people in North Carolina took shelter. This crazy bastard decided to go kiteboarding.

(VIDEO) Douchebags From Vancouver Playing Street Hockey In Times Square During Hurricane Irene

I dont know whats more pathetic, playing street hockey as an adult or playing street hockey as an adult, video taping it and posting it on youtube. These tourists from Vancouver saw that Times Square was empty and decided to play street hockey.

This Is What Hurricane Irene Looks Like...Wow

We've all seen the radar images. Well, this is what Hurricane Irene looks like in real life (North Carolina). Wow.

Dude Shows His Junk Live On The Weather Channel

His momma must be so proud.

BREAKING NEWS: The Beach Is Filled With Sand!

Im sure the higher ups at the Weather Channel are so proud. This dude is giving us HARD news. He is informing the world that due to Hurricane Irene the beach is filled with sand! WOW, imagine that!

Ochocinco Has A Fish Tank Attached To His Bed. I Shit You Not.

This is Ochocinco’s bed in his Florida home. And yes, that is a fish tank. According to the Inside Track, Ochocinco has a shark tank in his living room and this arch tank in his bedroom.

Why does Ochocinco have a fish tank over his bed you ask? Because his fiancee Evelyn Lozada likes to look at fish when she sleeps. Talk about high maintenance. This lady belongs on Strange Addictions next to the lady who likes to sleep with her hair dryer on.

Evelyn Lozada Is Abusing Twitter

What does a tweet like this contribute to society? Is this kind of stuff entertaining to people? Does it make the world a better place? I just dont get it.

If you don’t know who Evelyn Lozada, she is Ochocinco’s fiancée and former fiancée of Antoine Walker. She has over 600,000 followers on Twitter and Im sure every one of them is having a better day now because they know her dog just took a shit.

(VIDEO) Kevin Youkilis, Biz Markie And Herb Chambers Team Up For Commercial. Well, There's Something You Don't See Everyday.

Every time Kevin Youkilis walks to the plate at Fenway Park they play Biz Markie’s 1989 classic “Just A Friend.”

Well, Biz Markie, Youkilis and Herb Chambers teamed up to do a Herb Chambers commercial and kinda redo the Biz Markie’s hip hop classic. This is an instant classic.

Adrian Gonzalez Is On Friggin Fire Right Now

Tuesday: 3-4, 3 RUNS, 2 HR, 3 RBI
Wednesday: 2-4, 2 RUNS, 1 HR, 2 RBI
Thursday: 2-4, 2 RUNS, 2 HR, 3 RBI

Adrian Gonzalez has hit five home runs in the past past three games (including two home runs last night on the first two pitches he saw). He is now batting .348 with 23 home runs and 102 RBI. Unless Jacoby Ellsbury has an historic September, Adrian Gonzalez will be the AL MVP. Bet the house on it.

Just Another Reason To Hate People From New York

This tool from New York got a tattoo to commemorate the earthquake, I forget the date. Anyway, the tattoo is of New York State with “Survived The Quake” written along the side of it.

One problem: the earthquake happened in Virginia. Friggin loser. This is why people hate New Yorkers. They think they are the kings shit. Sure, people in New York felt the earthquake, but its center was in Virginia. Arrogant prick.

Why The Hell Would Theo Epstein Take The Cubs GM Position?

The general consensus is that if Theo Epstein takes over as GM of the Cubs and wins a World Series, he will be king of that town--statues would be built of him, tunnels would be named after him and babies would be named after him.

Im not so sure about that.

Remember Theo Epstein is the guy who traded for Curt Schilling, signed Keith Foulke and Kevin Millar and traded Nomar Garciaparra (in one of the ballsiest trades in Red Sox history), basically winning the Red Sox a World Series in 2004. And people in this town treat him like shit.

Fans in Boston criticize his bad transactions and take for granted his good ones. You'd think Theo had earned a mulligan with the media in this town but his relationship with them is as rocky relationship as a failed GM. And the last time I checked there are alot more dogs named Remy in this town than Theo.

The idea that Theo would become a folk her in Chicago is shortsighted. To most sports fans, history is yesterdays newspaper. They will forget. They will take him for granted. And eventually he will get run out of town just like in Boston.

Congratulations Tard, You Made It On Masshole Sports!

Okay...and I had a non sexual dream about corn on the cobb last night. Do you know what that means? It means I had a SEXUAL dream about corn on the cobb last night.

When you go out of your way to say you that it wasnt sexual, it usually is. And I think this tard's boyfriend is going to see right through this. So get ready for the petty fighting and eventual break up, lady.

Tim Thomas Cornfield Maze? Cmon.

So I guess Sherman Farm in East Conway, N.H. makes a cornfield maze every year around this time (and charges people $9 to walk around in it). The 2011 cornmaze is of Tim Thomas.

Please allow me to be the Masshole that I am and totally rip this corn field to shit. First of all, why does it say “Stanley Cup 20” across the top of the field? Am I missing something?

Second of all, why is Tim Thomas wearing a basketball jersey? The farmer didn’t know that the Bruins have a spoked B on their chest and the number goes on the back?

Third of all, Sherman Farm is just trying to prey on Bruins fans. Last years design was a spider web and Im going to guess not many people forked over the $9 to walk around a maze of a spider. But Bruins fans are still high off of the Stanley Cup victory and some may actually make the trek and pay the $9.

Red Sox Make Rangers Look Like A Bunch Of Little Bitches

After being shut out in the first game of this series the Red Sox bitch slapped the Rangers on Tuesday night, scoring 11 runs, and then bitch slapped them again Wednesday night scoring 13 runs.

If the Red Sox face the Rangers in the playoffs this year (and they very well may) I will feel VERY confident.

Fat Ass Rangers Fan Gets Hit In Her FUPA With Home Run Ball

This didn’t happen while the Red Sox were in town but Im posting it anyway.

Watch this fat ass Rangers fan get hit directly in the FUPA with a home run ball. If you don’t know what a FUPA is, its an acronym for Fat Upper Pussy Area. And this lady is so fat, she doesnt even attempt to get out of the way. She basically just sits there like a lard and gets hit directly in her FUPA.

(heres the play in real time)

This Masshole Is Psyched!

For the record, this is not a picture of me. Just some Masshole who is psyched because the Red Sox have won two games in a row.

(PHOTO) Don Orsillo Is A Friggin Dork

Don Orsillo enjoying some pool time in Texas…showing off the chest hair. Kinda makes me wonder, has Orsillo ever considered having the hair from his chest removed and implanted on his forehead?

Im just fuckin with ya Don. You ARE a massive dork, but youre our dork.