Happy Birthday Tyler Seguin! These Fan Signs Are Friggin Awesome.

Today is Tyler Seguin's Birthday and right now he is probably out getting drunk, laid or both. You know what I did on my Birthday? I watched tv. I want to be Tyler Seguin so friggin bad.

(PHOTO) This Picture Of Brandon Spikes And Robert Kraft From Media Day Is Friggin Awesome.

Brandon Spikes tweeted this picture today. Its from media day at Lucas Oil Stadium. If the Patriots win the Super Bowl, I want this on a plaque.

Current High Bid For Eli Manning Helmet From Super Bowl XLII Is $5,500, Brady Jersey From Regular Season Game $26,620. That’s Friggin RESPECT.

A game worn Tom Brady jersey from the October 11th game against the Dallas Cowboys has a current high bid of $26,620 at the Super Bowl XLVI NFL memorabilia benefit auction in Indianapolis.

An autographed helmet worn by Eli Manning in Super Bowl XLII currently has a high bid of $5,500.

Not that there was any doubt that Tom Brady is on a different stratosphere than Eli Manning...but at least now we have our proof.

Just A Friendly Reminder....

This should be made into a billboard and posted outside Lucas Oil Stadium, just as a reminder to Giants fans that their city sucks and they have no right to talk shit.

Yet ANOTHER Rob Gronkowki Tribute Song. This Time By Timbaland. Yes, That Timbaland.

"GRONK" by Timbaland

As a Patriots fan, Im flattered to hear all these songs paying homage to Rob Gronkowski but they are all starting to blur. Now Timbaland is getting in on the act with a tribute to Rob Gronkowski? The musicians among us have to mix it up a little bit. How about a song about Bill Belichick or Vince Wilfork or something.

Giants Guard Chris Snee Guarantees Super Bowl Victory

Giants guard Chris Snee told the NY Daily News yesterday, “I’d rather have a rally a week from (Tuesday) at MetLife Stadium.”

Stop the presses! A Giants player has guaranteed victory. He’s already planning a rally!

See how friggin stupid it sounds? Memo to the NY Daily News and NY Post: TOM BRADY NEVER GAURENTEED VICTORY, ASSHOLES.

Peter Chiarelli Says He Is “Not Trading” Tim Thomas, Basically Telling The Media To STFU

Well, Chiarelli didn’t literally say shut the fuck up to the media but he did send an email to Pierre LeBrun (yes that’s his real name) of TSN saying that he is "not trading” Tim Thomas.

You gotta respect the Bruins front office for coming out and putting an end to these stupid rumors. Tim Thomas shouldnt have to listen to trade rumors for the next month and a half and he sure as hell doesnt deserve to be shipped out of town like an asshole.

Tim Thomas should be an untouchable in this town and Chiarelli may have just proved that he is.

If the Bruins did trade Tim Thomas because of his political views, that would become his legacy and that would be a shame (not to mention the massive PR hit the Bruins would take). So kudos to Peter Chiarelli for being smarter than Kevin Paul Dupont and all the other morons on the media calling for Tim Thomas to be traded. Kudos, Peter.

Boston Casting Is Looking For Southie Women For New Reality Show. Wicked Pissa, Kid!

From CaughtInSouthie.com:

Boston Casting has taken over the reins in searching for raw Southie talent for a new reality show. Producers of the show assure us at Caught in Southie that it is NOT going to be another Jersey Shore or Real Housewives. They are looking for attractive, hard working, and fun-loving gals who love their hometown!
  • Must be between the ages of 21-44.
  • Looking for sisters or lifelong friends who are proud of their hometown, their neighborhood and their history.
  • Seeking blue collar, hard working, good looking, wise cracking, tough talking girls from Southie who like to have a good time

You know what that means right? It will be EXACTLY like Jersey Shore or Real Housewives. Or maybe like the sister from The Fighter...and is going to be friggin awesome. Rememeber the Real Housewives of South Boston video that went viral on youtube? Ya, well if the show is anything like that, then they will have a hit on their hands.

Im calling on all female Massholes from Southie send your submissions in. Send them to BostonCastingSouthies@gmail.com. And remember to mention Masshole Sports. I want to be a consultant on that show dammit!

Horseshit Story Of The Day: Giants Beat Patriots In Madden 12 Super Bowl Simulation

Every year before the Super Bowl, the folks over at EA Sports do a Madden video game simulation of the Super Bowl. This year they have the Giants beating the Patriots, 27-24, on a last minute field goal by Lawrence Tynes after a late fourth quarter march by Eli Manning.

One issue here, Madden doesn’t take into account the whole Myra Kraft mission. It doesn’t take into account the revenge factor. And It doesnt take into account the fact that Bill Belichick is smarter than Tom Coughlin. It only takes into account players stats and projected stats. So Im calling horseshit.

FYI, the Madden simulator was wrong last year when it had the Steelers beating the Packers. They have been right 6 out of the past 8 years...and if I flip a coin 8 times, I might get it right 6 times. Just sayin.

Another Day, Another Lame Gronkowski Tribute Song

Please make it stop!!! Another day, another lame Rob Gronkowski tribute video. This is getting out of control. I clicked play thinking I would get all fired up or was maybe catchy and fun but it was none of those things. The only funny part of this video is when the homeless dude spikes the ball and says "oh shit." But that was censored, so there was literally nothing funny about this song.

UPDATE: the video has been removed! THANK THE LAWD!

Douchey New York Media Is Having A Friggin Field Day With Tom Brady's Quote From Pep Rally

Tom Brady is on the back page of the New York Post and NY Daily News today. They seem to think he was taunting the Giants when he said (at a FRIGGIN PEP RALLY) “We're going to give it our best and hopefully we'll have a lot more people at our party next weekend.”

The New York media has to get over themselves. That’s not taunting. That was just a quarterback trying to rev up the crowd. The fact that the NY Media interprets that one sentence as "taunting" is pathetic.

THIS is taunting (see video below). This is a video from before the Super Bowl XLII of Tom Brady laughing out loud when he learns that Plaxico Burress said the Patriots would only score 17 points. That was the old Patriots. The 2011 Patriots are going to Indy on a business trip. Nothing more, nothing less.

(VIDEO) Masshole Teaching Chinese Kids How To Speak English

What happens when a Masshole is left in charge of a class full of Chinese kids?

Instead of learning how to say things like “hi, how are you” and “nice weather we are having” they learn how to say the important things in life like, “we love Kevin Gahnett,” “Derek Jetah sucks,” and “Yoooooook.”

The kicker is when he teaches the kids how to Gronk and more importantly, how to Plaxico Burress.

Pictures Of Phil Kessel’s Face Were Placed In Urinals At All Star Game. Further Proof He Is The Biggest Tool In The NHL.

Phil Kessel is a damn good hockey player, but the dude just cant seem to get any respect. He was picked dead last in last seasons All Star Game and this year, pictures of him were placed in urinals at Scotiabank Place in Ottawa. I think he is officially the whipping boy of the NHL. And I dont want to hear any shit about how bullying is an epidemic in this country. The dude's an adult (and a multimillionaire) he can take it.

Kudos to NesnNation for the picture

(VIDEO) Tim Thomas Makes Epic, Spinning, Behind-The-Back Slap Save At All Star Game

More proof that the NHL is Tim Thomas' bitch. First of all, he got the win at the All Star Game (his fourth consecutive) and he had to show everyone up by making the only highlight worthy save of the day:

Video: Tim Thomas spins around, slapped the puck out of mid air

Kudos to the Icewolf74 for finding the video

Sidney Crosby Has 2 Fractured Vertebrae From A David Krejci Hit Back In December? Wait…What?

Forget the All Star Game, that was friggin boring. The big news of the weekend is that Sidney Crosby has 2 fractured vertebrae and there is speculation that the injury may be a result of a David Krejci hit during the Bruins Penguins game on December 5, 2011.

From TheGlobeAndMail.com:

It is not known if the injuries to Crosby’s C1 and C2 vertebrae occurred during either of the two hits he took on Jan. 1 and Jan. 5 last year when he was originally injured, or on Dec. 5 when he was forced out again eight games after he returned to the Penguins’ lineup due to a collision with David Krejci of the Boston Bruins. While Crosby had what the Penguins call “concussion-like symptoms” after the Krejci hit, he did pass an ImPACT cognitive baseline test, which is one tool used to assess head injuries.

We know Brendan Shanahan loves suspending Bruins. I wonder if Shanahan will come after Krecji.

Heres the video of the Crosby Krejci collision:

Phonics Map For New Massholes

Anyone new to Boston should get this map. It will help you instantly fit in.

(VIDEO) "Fuck Tom Brady" aka The Most Homoerotic Giants Super Bowl Rally Song Ever

This is supposed to be a Giants Super Bowl rally song, but I think this dude really just wants the world to know that he wants to fuck Tom Brady. I wonder how Gisele feels about this song.

Here's just a sample of the Grammy worthy lyrics:

It's Giants Time in the Super Bowl!
Eli Manning and Antrelle Rolle
Gonna win, yeah, dominate baby
Gonna fuck the shit out of Tom Brady!

Lawrence Tynes- kicking in your face
Tom Coughlin.....gimme some bass!
Bob Dylan said: "Lay, Lady, Lay."
Gonna fuck the shit out of Tom Brady!

Wyclef Jean
is from fucking Haiti
Gonna Fugee your shit,
Tom Brady!

Pirate says:
"Ahoy, Matey!"
Gonna walk the plank
and fuck you with it Tom Brady!

We're the Giants!
Dabney Coleman is eighty.
Fuck & amp; Dagger your ass,
Tom Brady!

(PHOTOS) Getting To Know, Jenny Dell (aka the new Heidi Watney)

So NESN decided to go with a former Umass Amherst cheerleader as Heidi Watney's replacement. No complaints here.  Anyway, here’s all you need to know about NESN's new sideline reporter Jenny Dell: she went to Umass Amherst, she was a cheerleader at Umass Amherst, she worked for ESPN, she is a brunette. Not sure if she has a Boston accent or not.

And she is on twitter and facebook.

Here's the obligatory photo gallery:

Boston Herald Calls These Patriots The “Dynasty Part 2.” They Have Balls, Huh?

The same newspaper that declared the 2011 Red Sox the "Best Team Ever" a day before the 2011 season even began has now called this Patriots team "Dynasty Part 2."

Forget the Sports Illustrated cover curse, we may be looking at the Boston Herald Front Page Curse. Their headline writer has some balls. I understand they have to sell newspapers, but they also have a responsibility to not give the Giants bulletin board material. Thankfully no one buys newspapers anymore.

BenJarvus Green-Ellis’ Uncle Willing To Bet $5 Million That The Patriots Win The Super Bowl

BenJarvus Green-Ellis' uncle is rapper, record producer, and co-founder of Cash Money Records, Birdman. The dude is a millionaire and is willing to bet $5 million that the Patriots will beat the Giants. He tweeted this earlier this week:

If you dont know what Cash Money Records is, it's the label that currently produces Drake, Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj and T-Pain, among others. And BenJarvus Green-Ellis' father, Ronald “Slim’’ Williams, co-founder it with his brother, Bryan "Birdman" Williams.

Just when you thought this Patriots team couldnt get any more swag.

Tom Brady is married to a super model, Wes Welker is engaged to a former Miss Hooters International, Rob Gronkowski bangs porn stars and BenJarvus Green-Ellis is the son of a record company mogul.

REPORT: Bill Belichick Will Not Wear Red Hoodie At Super Bowl XLVI. THANK GOD!

When Belichick broke his routine and wore a red hoodie at Super Bowl XLII people were a little irate. Well, fear not my superstitious friends. According to Belichick's girlfriend, Linda Holliday, he will NOT be wearing a red hoodie at Super Bowl XLVI. Lets hope he sticks with his famous grey hoodie.

I Guess Zdeno Chara Has A Sense Of Humor, Picks Tyler Seguin AND Phil Kessel For His All Star Team

Its going to be like watching the Jetsons meet the Flintstones. Its just gonna be weird seeing Phil Kessel and Tyler Seguin on the same team. And its got to be awkward for them, knowing they were traded for each other.

In all honest though, I do want to see them play on the same line. That would be a friggin deadly line.

Carey Price And Tim Thomas Will Be Teammates At All Star Game. Lets Hope They Let Bygones Be Bygones.

Remember when Tim Thomas came out of his net to fight Carey Price? That was pretty awesome.

Tim Thomas Carey Price Fight

Claire Danes Said She Is Going To The Super Bowl For "The Nachos And Alcohol." What A Waste Of A Friggin Ticket.

Claire Danes was in Boston yesterday accepting Harvard’s Hasty Pudding award and told the crowd that she was going to the Super Bowl.

She didn’t mention which team she was rooting for but did say that she is going for the “the nachos and the alcohol.” What a waste of a friggin ticket.

Are These Pricks In Indianapolis Making Fun Of The Patriots Defense With This Billboard Of Eli Manning And Jerod Mayo?

What the hell is Jerod Mayo doing on a Super Bowl XLVI billboard beside Eli Manning? No disrespect to Jerod Mayo, but the Patriots defense was statistically one of the worst in the NFL. Yet they chose to put Jerod Mayo vs Eli Manning on the billboard? What are they trying to say?

I mean, the Patriots defense IS the reason the Patriots beat the Ravens (along with Billy Cundiff), but when you think 2011 Patriots you think about the offense. I think I get it. These pricks are making fun of us.

Its been a while since the Patriots have been able to play the “they disrespect us” card but they have every right to this year.

Kudos to Vigilantsports.com for finding this picture.

Just Another Patriot Livin’ The Life: Wes Welker Is Engaged To A Former Miss Hooters International.

The Boston Herald today reported that Wes Welker is engaged to former Miss Hooters International, Anna Burns.

Burns was Miss Hooters International in 2005 and is actually in the Hooter Hall of Fame. Yes, there is a Hooter Hall of Fame. Just another Patriot livin' the life, huh?

So Tom Brady is married to a super model, Rob Gronkowski is banging a porn star and Wes Welker's fiancee is a Miss Hooters International. The Patriots are living like friggin rock stars.