Tyler Seguin Is Such A Lucky Bastid

I WANT TO BE TYLER SEGUIN SO FRIGGIN BAD!

 










BUSTED: Tyler Seguin Called Me Out On Twitter For Photoshopping Fan Sign. What A Friggin Buzz Kill.

On one hand, Im flattered that Tyler Seguin is paying attention to us Massholes. But the dude called me out for photoshopping a fan sign! I guess I have to come clean.  I did indeed photoshop the picture (see below).


Their sign was funny...but mine was a thousand times funnier.  Here's the real sign:


Heres the photoshopped sign:



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Bruins Win Despite The Joe Corvo "Liabilty"


Joe Corvo sucks.  Plain and simple.  And the Bruins beat the Islanders today in spite of that fact.  Okay, now that I got that out of the way, let me get onto the positive.

With Peverley back in the lineup, Seguin, Bergeron and Marchand played on the same line for the first time in a while and each one of them scored a goal. Their line had a combined eight points, making Claude Julien look like a friggin genius once again.

Chris Kelly scored his 20th goal of the season, making the Bruins the only team in the NHL right now with  six 20 goal scorers.  Sure, they have been streaky this season, but the Bruins are looking SCARY good right now.  Despite what happens on Sunday against the Rangers, the Bruins are clicking right now and are probably the scariest team going into the playoffs. Fuck the Rangers, Penguins and Flyers.



Winning Mega Millions Numbers To Massholes



For all the non Massholes: 46, 23, 38, 4 2 (23)

Bruins Clinch Playoff Berth Because Of Sabres Loss. Big Shit. I Wont Get Pants Tent Until They Clinch #2 Seed.

So the Bruins clinch a playoff birth because the Penguins beat the Sabres Friday night. Big shit. Was there really any doubt that the Bruins would make the playoffs?

Im not going to get a pants tent until the Bruins officially clinch the #2 seed in the Eastern Conference. Im not a math whiz, so I dont know their magic number, but with a six point lead over Ottawa and five games remaining for each of them, I feel pretty good.

The only thing that scares me is the fact that Joe Corvo will most likely play in all the remaining games and that guy friggin sucks. The Bruins simply dont win with him in the lineup. Stay tuned.

(VIDEO) First Episode Of "The Bear & The Gang" Is Wicked Pissa

If you havent heard, the Bruins bear has an internet show called "The Bear & The Gang." Well, the Bruins released the first episode and it is friggin hilarious. Im convinced that whoever came up with this idea is either a genius or a pothead of epic proportions.





Larry Lucchino Still Bitching About Theo Compensation. Doesn’t Consider Talks “officially over.”

According to the Boston Herald, the Red Sox are still “weighing its options about what to do next” regarding the Theo Epstein compensation from the Cubs after Chris Carpenter, the centerpiece in the Epstein trade, underwent surgery on his right elbow.

Dont get me wrong, Im a Red Sox die hard...but can you imagine doing business with this prick?  Seems like a real ball buster.


The Bruins Were Great…For About 3 Minutes


The Bruins basically played about 3 minutes of hockey last night and got a point out of it. Good for them. Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to see a come from behind win. But 3 minutes. Cmon. Im a little disappointed in them.

And Im starting to think Joe Corvo is a friggin jinx. He returned to the lineup after being benched for the past six games and Brian Rolston’s point streak ended (at seven games), Adam McQuaids got his face flattened and Tim Thomas lost a shootout for the first time all season.

 I don’t know what the frig it is with that guy. He’s back in the lineup and everything goes to shit. But the Bruins got a point, bla, bla, bla. When is this regular season going to end. I want the playoffs to start now.

(VIDEO) Jason Chimera’s Hit On Adam McQuaid Was As Filthy As They Come. Anyone Who Says Otherwise Is A Friggin Moron.

Anyone who thinks the Jason Chimera hit on Adam McQuaid is not worthy of a suspension is a friggin moron and needs to be tested.  I dont care that McQuaid made a pivot and saw him coming.  It was a reckless hit plain and simple. It was dirty, cheap, filthy, and every other synonym.

But you know what? It was on a Bruin so Brendan Shanahan most likely will not suspend Chimera.  Thats just the way Shanahan does business.  And that pisses me off.  If you didnt see it, here's the video:




Bruins Fan Of The Night: "We Need Dicks"

This screenshot was taken during Jason Chimera’s cheap hit on Adam McQuaid. Look closely at the sign. It says "Seguin #19 Caron #38 We Need Dicks."  And there is nothing wrong with that.



Bruins Fan Of The Night #2

I guess she doesnt read Masshole Sports. If she did, she would know Lucic has a girlfriend.




(VIDEO) This Has Got To Be A Friggin Joke. Wes Welker Does Commercial For Depend Adult Diapers



Not sure if that's Wes Welker in the picture but he is in the commercial. If Depend was creative, they would have had Rex Ryan wear one on his face to catch all the shit that spews out.



(VIDEO) Darrelle Revis Calls Bill Belichick A 'jerk' In Front Of Rob Gronkowski. The Dude Has Brass Balls.

Darrelle Revis and Rob Gronkowski were on SportsCenter to promote Madden ’13 on Wednesday and played a word association game. When Darrelle Revis was asked the first word to come to mind when thinking of Bill Belichick he said, “jerk.”

Gronkowski made a face as if he wanted to punch the asshole then said, "wow, I wasn't expecting that one.”



(PHOTO) Awe, Seguin And Marchand Made It Onto The Kiss Cam!



Those scoreboard operators at the Garden are such ball busters.


Its Official: Liverpool Will Play Exhibition Game At Fenway Park And Most People Dont Give A Shit

John Henry's soccer team, Liverpool FC, will play an exhibition at Fenway Park on July 25 and according to the Masshole Sports Facebook Poll, most people just dont give a shit:




Jose Canseco Thinks Al Gore Is Dead...And My Man Crush On Is Now Over

So, a few weeks ago Jose Canseco man flirted with me on twitter and I kinda developed a man crush on him (in a non gay way).  Then he had to go and ruin it.  Yesterday he went on an epic rant about global warming and proved that he either one of the dumbest bastids on the face of the planet or is taking the same drugs as Charlie Sheen.   Needless to say, my man crush is over.




Another Day, Another (fake) Rob Gronkowski Dunkin Donuts Ad

If you didnt know, Rob Gronkowski signed a 2 year sponsorship deal with Dunkin Donuts.  If I were running the Dunkin Donuts marketing department, I would call this campaign the "Livin The Life" campaign and incorporate all of Gronkowski's spring break pictures into the ads.  Like this:




Final Score: Bruins 5 Stamkos 2


First let me get this out of the way:  the Bruins are now 5-1 since Claude Julien began benching Joe Corvo.  The guy who took Corvo's place, Greg Zanon, had 0 goals, 0 assists, a plus minus of 0 and 1 shot on net...and he played better than Joe Corvo had been playing prior to the benching. But I digress.

So lets talk about the positive. Brian Rolston remains on a tear, extending his point streak to seven games with an assist against the Lightning. Shawn Thornton, Dennis Seidenberg, Benoit Pouliot, Brad Marchand and Rich Peverley all scored for the Bruins. Hows that for depth.

With only six games left in the season, the Bruins are getting hot at the right time.  If they can carry this momentum with them into the post season they can be a scary good team. 

And If your wondering, Shawn Thornton now has 5 goals to go along with his league leading 19 fighting majors this season.


Your Totally Random Picture Of The Day: The Power Of Tim Thomas



Rob Gronkowski Signs 2 Year Sponsorship Deal With Dunkin Donuts. I Cant Wait To See The Ads!

Rob Gronkowski has signed a 2 year deal with Dunkin Donuts.  He will be in commercials, on billboards, etc. The dude is known as a party animal so the ads should be friggin wild.  If the people at Dunkin Donuts had any balls, here's what his ads would look like:








Bobby Valentine Bitch Slaps Media For Second Time This Spring Training, Calls Them “ignorant” Then “lazy”


Seems as though Bobby Valentine has already reached a boiling point with the Boston media. Last week he snapped when the media blew his criticism of reliever Mark Melancon out of proportion. He said he was simply giving facts about Melancons outing and that “if ignorant people misinterpret simple statements, it’s not my fault.” Awe shit, kid!

Recently, the Boston media has been saying that Valentine and general manager Ben Cherington are butting heads and dont see eye to eye on using Daniel Bard as a starter or using Jose Iglesias as their opening day short stop.

So yesterday, Valentine denied there is a riff between he and Cherington saying, "I think it's lazy journalism. That's what I think. I think it's an easy story to write that has no validity." That is a text book bitch slap!

Bobby Valentine has basically declared war on the Boston media.  Now this can go one of two ways: either the media will take the hint and back off or they'll keep making shit up until Bobby Valentine literally snaps and goes ape shit on one of them.  Ill be totally honest, Im rooting for the latter.  Stay tuned.

I Swear Ta God, I Didnt Write This

This is from Joe Corvo's Wikipedia page.  While I didnt write it, I do hold these truths to be self-evident, that Joe Corvo is a complete and utter pussy.



Your Totally Random Picture Of The Day: Dude Staring At Milan Lucic's Dick

Dont ask me, because I have no friggin idea.



Gotta Love Spring Training

No this is not photoshopped. The St. Louis Cardinals had some guy on third base and even the tv crew didnt know who the hell he was. Gotta love spring training.






(VIDEO) Bruins Dancing Bear Is Getting His Own Internet Show...And It Looks Friggin Hilarious.


The Bruins released a teaser for an internet show called The Bear and the Gang and it is friggin hilarious. Please tell me this is not some sort of joke and that it will indeed be a web series. Brad Marchand, Zdeno Chara, Rene Rancourt and Jack Edwards (among others) are in the teaser. Check it out: