The Bruins Improve To 8-1-1 And I Have A Wicked Big Pants Tent

You’ve probably heard this a thousand times since last night, but the Bruins 8-1-1 start is their best start through 10 games ever and they now have the best record in the Eastern Conference (they are technically tied with the Devils with 17 points, but have played less games).

Ill be honest, I was stunned to see the Bruins play such disciplined hockey against the Sabres. I figured either Chara, Lucic or even McQuaid would want a piece of John Scott after what that piece of shit did to Shawn Thornton.

I figured at least on of the guys would want to avenge Lindy Ruff calling a time out while up three goals in their last meeting, but nope.  Claude Julien gave them their Kool Aid and they drank it. Well, except for Gregory Campbell but Im not going to talk about that situation.

The Bruins didn’t seem to be “seeking revenge” at all. They played a smart, disciplined Claude Julien type of hockey game and got the win. Let me be the first to say this: Julien has to get consideration for coach of the year. He is the reason the Bruins are beating the shit out of the rest of the league right now.

And I have to mention Ryan Miller. A lot of people were tweeting during the game saying that Ryan Miller was putting on a great performance and Jack Edwards even called a few of his saves “stupendous.”  But cmon, if the dude put on such a great performance then how the frig did he lose to the Bruins backup goalie? Making flashy saves doesn’t translate into a great performance. He just doesn’t deserve the ball washing. Period.

Anton Khudobin, the Bruins friggin backup goalie, made 24 saves on 25 shots and is now 2-0-0 on the season. That’s pretty incredible. If anyone deserves to get his balls washed, its him.

The Bruins have now played 3 games since allowing 7 goals to Buffalo on that fateful January 31st night (their only regulation loss of the season) and have only allowed two goals in those games. We have played a little less than one quarter of the season and I dont think Im over stating things by saying that the Bruins are beating the shit out of this league right now.

So, How About Them Rondo-less Celtics

Call me an asshole, but Im going to say it: Rajon Rondo should never be seen in a Celtics uniform again.

With him in the lineup this season, the Celtics never played with this kind of passion, determination and heart.  They were a sub .500 team who barely showed up most nights, they didnt give a shit about winning and they sure as hell never played with this kind of heart.

Sure, they won a title with him in 2008, but he wasnt like he is now back in 2008.  He wasnt bigger than the team back then.  Nowadays the dude is obsessed with himself and has turned into a classic stat padder.  And that hurts this team.  Period.

The dude belongs on the Lakers with the rest of those team destroyers.  And listen, I dont have an ax to grind with Rondo.  I dont have an agenda here.  Im not a beat writer or a press pass carrying member of the bitter Boston media pissed off at Rondo because he is a prick during post game interviews.

I am speaking as an observer of this team and am simply stating facts that no one else has the balls to say: Rajon Rondo is bad for this team.

Guess Who’s The Bruins Leading Goal Scorer Right Now?

Brad Marchand, the Little Ball Of Hate, The Honey Badger, The Squirrel, whatever you want to call him.  The dude is the leading goal scorer on the best team in the Eastern Conference.  He has six goals in nine games.

Who wouldve thought the Bruins leading goal scorer would be a guy who spent the lockout walking around Southie dressed as Thor while most of his teammates played overseas.

The Red Sox Are Still Auditioning PA Announcers, If You Want To Make $50 A Night.

You read that correctly. Buried deep in a story on about the Fenway Park PA announcer vacancy is the fact that the salary is $50 per game. Yes, $50 per game.

I understand that being the voice of Fenway Park would be a dream job for a lot of people, but $50 friggin dollar per game? Thats pretty arrogant of them.  Christ, Im surprised the Red Sox dont just say screw it and make the next PA announcer pay for a ticket.

After you subtract taxes and the cost of a round trip on the MBTA, you are basically working for free.

Holy Shit! Someone Actually Signed Dice K!

This is from the Masshole Sports vault (October 3, 2012):

The Indians have signed pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka to a minor-league deal, according to's Jon Heyman. Matsuzaka can make up to $4 million. If he passes his physical and makes the team, he will earn a base salary of $1.5 million
America, what a country. Only in America can you suck really, really badly and still be offered a $1.5M contract.  And you know this stiff is going to pass the physical and make the team.  Then he is going to proceed to suck and drive Terry Francona crazy.  Poor Tito.  He just cant get away from this guy.

Shawn Thornton Says He Doesn't Want Zdeno Chara To Fight John Scott Tonight. I'll Say It: I Want Chara To Kick Scott's Ass.

The Bruins are playing the Sabres Sunday night and Shawn Thornton has weighed in on the game and on his fight with John Scott.

From WEEI:
Thornton emphasized that he didn’t think there is anything for the B’s to avenge, as it was simply a fight that didn’t go in his favor. He especially stressed that he is against the idea of Chara fighting Scott as a result of it.

“I don’t even know where that [expletive] comes from,” Thornton said. “Listen, Zee’s our best player and arguably the best defenseman in the league. There’s no reason for him to have to fight my battles. I’ve done this for a long time and it’s on me.

I understand where Shawn Thornton is coming from. He doesn't want teammates fighting for him. But let's be serious, John Scott needs a good ass kicking. The only reason the Sabres signed him is because they wanted to get “tougher” and nothing would crush the morale of that team more than seeing John Scott get his ass kicked.

I give Thornton credit for stepping up to be the guy to (try to) knock that piece of shit on his ass but everyone knows Thornton had no business going toe to toe with that dude.  Shawn Thornton isn't even close to being in John Scott's weight class.  He was outweighed by 54 pounds and gave up 6 inches--Scott is 6'8" 270 lbs, Thornton is 6'2" 216 lbs. It wasnt a fair fight.

And it wasnt a statement fight either.  It was basically an asshole who makes $600,000 a year and gets about 3 minutes of ice time a night fighting a guy a lot smaller than him.

If this dude really lives by the code of the NHL enforcer and isn’t just a piece of shit goon signed to beat people up, he will make a statement and fight Zdeno Chara on Sunday.  Until he fights Zdeno Chara, Im sticking by my statement that John Scott is a piece of shit who contributes nothing to the game, except for the occasional unfair fight and cheap win.

And Im not just calling him a piece of shit because Thornton lost that fight.  In the Sabres last game against the Bruins, Scott had two shifts and seven penalty minutes.  Anyone who says he "contributes" to the Sabres and makes them a tougher team to play against is a friggin moron.

The Ravens Plan On Building A Statue Honoring Ray Lewis. Here's The Prototype.

Well, that was quick. The Baltimore Ravens are planning to erect a statue of Ray Lewis outside of M&T Bank Stadium less than a week after the team won Super Bowl XLVII in the linebacker's final game. The only question is which moment will the statue capture? I vote for the end of his dance -- arms outstretched, feet together, chest bowed and mid-scream toward the sky.
I like my prototype better.  Seriously, the portrayal above is what everyone other than Ravens fans and NFL employees see when they look at Ray Lewis.

Red Sox Prospect Shot Himself In The Leg While Cleaning A Loaded Gun. I Shit You Not.

From WEEI:
Red Sox prospect Bryce Brentz explained by phone that his absence from big league camp in spring training is due to an injury that he sustained due to an accidental discharge of a gun he was cleaning.

Ben Cherington offered some details regarding Bryce’s incident.  “He had an accident. He was at home cleaning a gun and accidentally went off. He was injured in the process. Fortunately for him it’s something he’s going to recover from and be fine and won’t affect his baseball career.
If you dont know who this dude is, he is an outfielder and is ranked as the sixth best prospect in the Red Sox minor league system....and he appears to be as sharp as a marble.  Seriously, who the frig cleans a gun without checking to make sure it isnt loaded? 

This story is probably going to forever be a footnote in his career.  If NESN has any balls, they'll make this one of their Twisted But True facts when he makes it to the big leagues.  Stay tuned.

I Guess The Tampon Bay Lightning Will Have To Wait A While For Their Impending Ass Kicking

But seriously, this was a no brainer.  The NHL did the right thing.  The MBTA isnt running for the rest of the day and driving in would be a bitch.  It would have been idiotic to play this game.  Now the Bruins get an extra day of rest before playing the Sabres Sunday night.  Pissa.

The only down side is that my night was going to revolve around this game. What the frig am I supposed to do now?

Maybe Ill watch Slap Shot for the one thousandth time.

Andrew Ference Is Wicked Pissa

Andrew Ference tweeted this today (real, not photshopped).  He just got one step closer to being named an honorary Masshole.

Paul Pierce Is Friggin Crazy

Paul Pierce tweeted this picture of himself out in this blizzard this his pajamas.

While We're Bracing For A Blizzard, Gisele And Tom Are In Hawaii And Posting Pictures Of Their Baby. She Is So Friggin Annoying.

The Brady Bundch landed in Hawaii yesterday, and the world finally got a glimpse of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen’s 2-month-old daughter, Vivian Lake! Spywitnesses report the family received a “warm welcome” from the locals who admired the baby and placed the traditional leis around Tom’s and Gi’s necks.

She realizes that we Massholes are stuck in New England embracing for a blizzard and are going to have to shovel like bastids tomorrow morning right?  God, she is so friggin annoying.  And Im not just saying that because Tom Brady hasnt won a Super Bowl since he met her.  She's just such a friggin flake.

Anyway, so yea the kid is cute and everything.

Here's Todays Forecast From A Masshole's Perspective

Who The Frig Needs Rajon Rondo?

I love the fact that the Lakers suck this year.  This is a team that was supposed to be some sort of dream team and they are a friggin joke.  I just had to get that off my chest.

Anyway, the Celtics have now won six games in a row without Rajon Rondo.  Ive come around on this team.  To be honest, earlier in  the season they were pissing me off with their lack of effort and limp dick syndrome.  Since Rondo went down though, they have looked like a completely different team.

And I dont give a shit that they are beating mostly sucky teams.  Half this league sucks.  But about Rondo, there is no doubt in my mind that he makes this team worse and I am willing to fight anyone who disagrees.  Six games is good enough of a sample to figure that out.

If he really was their "best player," then why do they look so damn good without him?  When your "best player" goes down, you are supposed to suck.  That hasnt what is that telling us?

These Rondo lovers have to get their heads out of their asses.  The guy is a team wrecker.  We will never know what its like to be his teammate, so we dont know how much of an asshole he truly is.  But we know that without him around, the Celtics are playing damn good basketball and that isnt supposed to happen when your "best player" is out.

So Tim Thomas Finally Got Traded. Big Shit. Tim Thomas Has Been Dead To Me For Months.

So Tim Thomas has been traded to the Islanders for a conditional draft picks.  Im not going to sit here and pretend that Im sad right now.  Honestly, I couldnt care less.  Anyone with half a brain knew the dude wasnt coming back.

I guess this gives us a little closure.  But the reality is Tim Thomas has been dead to me for a long time.  Peter Chiarelli basically traded his contract.  And good for him.  This will free up a lot of money for the Bruins to maybe take on a big contract at the trade deadline or sign Tuukka Rask to a long term deal immediately.

In the end, Tim Thomas will be remember as the dude who almost single handily won the Bruins a Stanley Cup in 2011, but the other half of the story is that he then went batshit insane and quit on his teammates.

You know what though?  At least we have Tuukka. If we didnt, and if the Bruins sucked right now, Id be busting Tim Thomas' balls here daily.  But Im over him.  Actually got over him a long time ago.

Bruins Dont Show Up For Two Periods And Still Beat Those Eh Holes From Montreal Thanks To Tuukka Rask.

Coming into this game, the Canadiens were 6-2-0. If they had won, they would have been the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference and the Bruins would have dropped to #6. Yea, that didnt happen. The Canadiens threw everything at Tuukka Rask and still failed. This has to be demoralizing.

And what a strange game. For the first two periods, the Bruins absolutely sucked. They were playing like a dog with his balls chopped off. It may have had something to do with the fact that Shawn Thornton and Brad Marchand weren’t in the lineup, I don’t know. But they just didn’t have it for the first two periods.

Then Claude Julien mixed up the lines to open the third and just like that, the Bruins’ case of limp dick magically went away. The newly formed Seguin-Krejci-Lucic line scored two goals in less than two minutes...and I got a pants tent.

Claude Julien should get a lot credit for this win. Well, he and Tuukka Rask. Tuukka Rask had to be perfect in this game and he was. Hell, the only goal he allowed was on a deflection.

The Bruins are now 7-1-1 and proved that even when they dont show up for two periods, they are still better than the Canadiens.  Man, it must suck being a Canadiens fan.

VIDEO: Carey Price Takes A Puck To The Balls During Warmups. Hmm...I Never Knew Carey Price Had Balls.

Watch Lars Eller nail Carey Price right in the balls with the puck during warmups. Funny, Ive always just assumed that all Canadiens players had vaginas.

Tuukka Rask Makes Save Of The Year On Canadiens' Tomas Plekanec

Seriously though, every one of Tomas Plekanec's coaches from mite all the way to the pros must be so proud right now.

Celtics Have Now Won 5 Games In A Row. Doesnt Rajon Rondo Look Like A Dick Right Now.

My mind is blown right now. The Celtics have not lost a game since Rajon Rondo went down.How the frig does a team lose its best player and go on to win 5 games in a row?  It makes you wonder.  I mean, it really makes you think that maybe Rajon Rondo really was bringing this team down.

If youve watched a lot of Celtics games this year, you know that there were some nights when the Celtics just didnt even bother.  Sure, Rondo would get his cute double double or on occassion his triple double.  But on most nights, the rest of the team barely showed any effort.

Since he's been gone, they havent taken a quarter off, never mind an entire game. This is just pure speculation, but maybe Rondo was like that dickhead at work who the boss friggin loves and adores...who then misses time due to a medical issue and the entire tone of the office changes.  All of a sudden, you like going to work.

I dont know.  Im just throwing a bunch of shit at the wall trying to figure out how the Celtics could go from a team who just didnt seem to care to a team who has won five straight without their "best player."

If Im Danny Ainge, Im kicking myself in the dick over the fact that I never traded this dude. What we've seen over the past five games is that his value to the team isnt exactly what we thought it was.

Sure the double doubles were cute and the highlight reel assists were nice, but the facts are the facts.  And the fact is, this team plays better basketball without Rajon Rondo.  We were all fooled by the fraudulent double doubles.  Dont all the Rondo lovers out there look like dicks right now.

Kevin Youkilis Plans On Changing His Batting Stance, "Batting Stance Guy" Proceeds To Get Kinda Pissy About It.

If you havent heard, Kevin Youkilis is going to change his iconic batting stance. Well, Batting Stance Guy isnt taking it so well.

If you dont know who this dude is, do a google search for "batting stance guy". The dude is friggin hilarious.

Bruins vs Canadiens Tonight

In case you didnt know...

There Was A Team At The New England Pond Hockey Classic Called "Massholes." I Shit You Not.

This is from the New England Pond Hockey Classic.  If I was there, you know Id be rooting for these dudes like a bastid.

Is It Me Or Are The Red Sox Trying A Little Too Hard With This "Truck Day" Bullshit?

SHOCKA: Red Sox Season Ticket Renewals Are Down 10%, Team Expects Sellout Streak To End In 2013.

I guess the Red Sox ownership thought we were all a bunch of sheep. They figured they could half ass it during the offseason by signing guys like Shane Victorino, Mike Napoli, Jonny Gomes and Stephen Drew and we'd all flock to Fenway and buy their $8.00 beers. Wrong.

From the Boston Globe:
Season-ticket renewals are down 10 percent from this time last year. “It will come as no surprise if, on the heels of a 69-win season, our fans don’t sell out the park some nights this year,” said Sam Kennedy, the team’s chief operating officer. Kennedy also said that although there are no tallies yet on single-ticket sales, he expects those to be down, too.
The reality is the Red Sox sucked last year and the front office signed a bunch of "just good enough" players to fill their positional needs.  Now the corporate season ticket holders dont give a shit about this team.  Lets be serious, these owners dont want to compete for a World Series this year.  They just want to go through the motions. Why the frig should we care?

I mean, the Blue Jays absolutely reloaded this offseason and the Red Sox did nothing to counter any of their moves.  This offseason, the Blue Jays added Josh Johnson, Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle, Melky Cabrera and reigning National League Cy Young Award winner R.A. Dickey (talk about putting asses in the seats).

Im not saying its going to be a wasted season. The Red Sox may shock the world and win the whole damn thing this year...and I may win $50,000 on that scratchy I just bought.

What The Hell Was Rob Gronkowski Thinking Dancing And Body Slamming A Dude While His Forearm Is Still In A Friggin Cast?

From TMZ:
Rob Gronkowski scared the hell out of New England Patriots fans last night when the superstar tight end BODY SLAMMED his friend on stage at a Las Vegas nightclub landing hard on his broken forearm.
Okay, this pisses me off. Wrestling a dude while your broken forearm is still in a friggin cast? Cmon.  I mean, Gronk can take all the shirtless pictures he wants. He can pose for pictures with porn stars, trashy sorority chics,  I really dont give two shits. But don't risk ruining our 2013 season.

Thats the last thing we need is for Gronk to re injure that forearm and miss time in 2013. It might be time for the Patriots to hire a professional baby sitter for him.  Id say Robert Kraft should have a long talk with him, but hell he's done stupid shit in the past too (remember the audition tape?).

Its times like these I wish Myra Kraft were still alive.

REPORT: Mets And Astros Are Interested In Dice K. I Shit You Not.

This was the Masshole Sports headline on October 3, 2012:

(read article here)

Yet for some reason, according to Nick Cafardo, the Mets and Astros are, "kicking around the possibility of adding Matsuzaka."  Apparently, the people who run the Mets and Astros dont watch baseball.  And they dont read Masshole Sports.  They should.  They would learn alot.

I Feel Physically Ill

If it wasnt for Ray Lewis, I would probably be congratulating the Ravens on a Super Bowl victory right now.  But this dude is just too much for me.  Im not going to beat a dead horse and rip this dude another asshole.  The caption on the photo above says it all.

But I do want to mention that Im disappointed that he didnt praise Joe Flacco and his MVP performance after the game or the makers of deer antler spray, but instead praised God.  What a self centered asshole.