FINAL: Orioles 2 Red Sox 1



The Red Sox left 12 men on base and went 0 for 10 with runners in scoring position. Grady Sizemore looked good, going 2 for 4 with a home run in his Red Sox debut. Other than that, the offense didn’t do shit. Oh well, its game 1 of 162.







VIDEO: The Orioles Played "Loser" By Beck During The Red Sox Player Introductions. Well, Hardy Fucking Har Har.

The Red Sox are the defending World Series champions. Im sorry, but playing "Loser" when the defending World Series champions are introduced isnt funny. It's disrespectful, classless, childish and just plain douchey. Whoever made that decision needs to be fired.






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It Feels Like Christmas Morning



Let's be honest, no one expected the Red Sox to win the World Series last season. No one. A lot had to go right for them to win it all, and it did.

They were coming off the Bobby Valentine Shit Show and expectations were really low. Yet everything went right. Everything. Seriously, the only thing that sucked about last season was the fact that Alfredo Aceves got a World Series ring.

Anyway, the reality is we dont know what to expect this season. We dont know if this is the beginning of a dynasty or if this carnation of the Red Sox peaked last season.

But no matter what happens, over the course of the next six month we will be able to say that the Red Sox are the defending World Series champions. And that is fuckin awesome.

And it all starts today.  Play ball, boys.


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Jon Lester Gets It









Your Tweet Of The Day

@MassholeSports








FINAL: Bruins 4 Flyers 3 (SO)



Sure, the Flyers tied the game with 25 seconds left and it took a shootout to beat them, but a win is a win. And the bottom line is the Flyers got beat by the best team in the NHL.

Tuukka Rask made a career high 49 saves and Patrice Bergeron scored a goal for the seventh straight game. Zdeno Chara also had a goal and Andrej Meszaros scored against the team that traded him for a third round pick.  It must have felt nice to give his former team a little kick in the taint.

The Bruins ended up going 15-1-1 in the month of March.  What a friggin month.







What The Christ Was Jarome Iginla Thinking Going After Zac Rinaldo?

Okay, I dont even understand what the hell I just saw.









Your Tweet Of The Day










FINAL: Bruins 4 Capitals 2



Jarome Iginla now has 10 goals in his last 9 games and 30 on the season.  Oh yea, and the Bruins are 14-0-1 in their last 15 games and clinched the Atlantic Division.  Yawn.







Here Is Patrice Bergeron's Pants Tent Inducing Sixth Goal In His Last Sixth Game.



Patrice Bergeron is locked the fuck in right now.






VIDEO: Hearing This Fantasy Baseball Nerd Shit All Over Shane Victorino Pisses Me Off...And Reminds Me Why I Hate Fantasy Baseball.

Without Shane Victorino, the Red Sox dont win the World Series last year. Yet in the fantasy baseball world, he is worthless piece of shit. Fantasy baseball is so obnoxious.










REPORT: LeGarrette Blount Has Agreed To A Two-Year Deal With The Steelers



LeGarrette Blount visited the Steelers on Friday...and signed a contract with them on Friday. It is reportedly for two years, $3.85 million and includes a $950,000 signing bonus.

Blount ran for 772 yards and seven touchdowns last season. And remember, he destroyed the Colts in the Divisional Round of the playoffs last year, rushing for four touchdowns.  It sucks to see him go.  It really does.


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LeGarrette May No Longer Be A Patriot, But We Will Always Have This. Thanks For The Memories, Buddy.

It took balls--big brass ones- to mock Ray Lewis' dance while destroying the Ravens IN Baltimore. And LeGarrette Blount gave us that. Thank you, LeGarrette. You will always have a place in my heart.










Its Official. Sizemore Is The Guy.



John Farrell has officially named Grady Sizemore the Red Sox Opening Day center fielder and Jackie Bradley Jr will start the season in AAA.

Sizemore hasnt played in the majors since 2011 but this Spring Training he hit .333 with a home run while Jackie Bradley Jr hit .158 and led the Red Sox in strikeouts (17).

Ben Cherington is a friggin genius.  I mean, no one expected Bradley Jr to shit the bed this spring but give Cherington credit. He picked up Sizemore at the YMCA workout room as an insurance policy and it worked out perfectly.  As far as Im concerned, Cherington is already in the running for MLB Executive of the Year.

On a side note, Grady Sizemore seems a little more durable than that pussy who used to play center field for the Red Sox. 





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FINAL: Bruins 3 Blackhawks 0



The Bruins are the best team in the NHL. Period.  I dont care that the winning streak is over, there is no other team in the NHL even in their hemisphere.  In their last 27 games, they have only two regulation losses and last night absolutely made the Blackhawks their bitch.

Patrice Bergeron scored two goals and now has six goals in his last five games.  Tuukka Rask made 28 saves and got his league leading seventh shutout.  The dude has to be considered the favorite for the Vezina.  Anyone who thinks he isnt, is an asshole.

Anyway, the Bruins now have a 15 point lead over the second place Canadiens and if they tie the Capitals on Saturday or if the Tampon Bay Lightning lose, they will clinch the Atlantic Division.

On a side note, the Blackhawks could have clinched a playoff spot with a win against the Bruins.  And they failed.  Sucks to be them.





The Bruins Wore Boston Fire Department Hats During Warmups...And Looked Badass Doing It.









In Case You Missed It, Here Is The Bruins Pregame Honoring The Fallen Boston Firefighters And Their Moment Of Silence

The Bruins as an organization get it. They really do. 









I Bet This Guy Feels Like A Real Asshole Right Now.

@KevinComplains

Nice attempt at shit talking, prick.  Fail.


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I Was Feeling Nostalgic, So I Dug Up This Gem. Your Bruins Fan Of The Game From Game 3 Of Last Years Stanley Cup Final







Holy Shit. This Picture Of Tom Brady Watching The Tragic Back Bay Fire Yesterday Is Chilling.

via @BostonHerald

I wasnt going to say anything about the fire in the Back Bay yesterday.  I was going to leave that to the people who cover real news.  I mean, sports is an escape from real life.  Its where you go to get away from the scary shit out there.

But this has to be said: firefighters are some of the bravest son of a bitches on the planet.  They really are. They run into burning buildings for Christ's sake.  While the normal folks try like hell to get out or stand by and stare in awe, they put their lives at risk by running towards the flames.

I walk by that Fire Station in Back Bay all the time.  I cant imagine myself walking by and not thinking of Michael Kennedy and Lt. Ed Walsh going forward.  Sure, we are Massholes but we are a community.  And yesterday we lost two of our bravest.

Today, my thoughts and prayers go out to the fallen. 


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Tom Brady Gets It







I Must Say, This Shirt Is Wicked Pissa.

via @BPolimer

This picture was tweeted today by @BPolimer.  It's a tribute to the departed, Lt. Ed Walsh and firefighter Michael Kennedy, who were with Engine 33 and Ladder 15.  I dont know where to buy them, but if/when I find out Ill post something here.







Jonny Gomes Is Friggin Nuts. He Bought Every One Of His Teammates These American Flag Blazers Just In Time For Their White House Visit On Tuesday.

If you didnt know, the Red Sox will be visiting the White House on Tuesday. And today, these blazers arrived courtesy of Jonny Gomes:



Gomes said they arent specifically for the White House visit and that guys can, "wear em whenever." But seriously, if at least one them doesnt strap a pair on and wear this to the White House I'm going to be pissed.



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VIDEO: A Reporter Asked Bill Belichick About Rob Gronkowski's Health At The NFL Owners Meetings...And I Swear Belichick Wanted To Fight The Dude.

Note to self, do not ask Bill Belichick about Rob Gronkowski.





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I Think This Pretty Much Sums Up The Vince Wilfork / Patriots Situation







Today's Forecast: Shitty.



And Opening Day is five days away in Baltimore.  It just doesnt feel like baseball season.







Bill Belichick Was Asked About Skipping NFL Head Coaches Photo And Simply Said "They Can Photoshop Me In There." Okay.

As you know, Bill Belichick skipped the annual NFL Head Coaches photo on Tuesday (for the second year in a row). Well, he was asked about it today and had a very Belichickian response. He told reporters, "they can Photoshop me in there."

Challenge accepted.  I think this is how Bill would have wanted it:














FINAL: Canadiens 2 Bruins 1



So, the streak is over.  Big shit.  The Bruins are still first in the Northeast Division, first in the Eastern Conference and have the best record in the NHL (the most wins and the most points).








Here's Something To Make You Feel Better: Milan Lucic Laying Mike Weaver The Fuck Out.

Lucic Lays Weaver The Fuck Out








Here's Something Else To Make You Feel Better: Johnny Boychuk Treating PK Subban Like The Little Bitch He Is

PK Subban Is A Little Bitch


PK Subban has to grow a pair of balls. He really does. This is the NHL for Christ's sake. When a dude challenges you to a fight, you answer the bell. You dont friggin skate away and ask the referee to call a penalty. That is a bitch move if Ive ever seen one.











Kevan Miller Is A Tough Bastid. Watch Fake Tough Guy Travis Moen Challenge Him To A Fight And Promptly Get His Ass Kicked.

How cute. A Canadien actually thought they had a chance against a Bruin.








Someone Give Alex Galchenyuk A Gold Medal. That Was A Friggin World Class Dive Right There.

See, Im not making shit up when I say the Canadiens are a bunch of diving pussies. The NHL needs to look at the film and start fining guys the way the NBA does. These pricks are an embarrassment to the league.







Alexei Emelin Deserves A Gold Medal For Diving Too. The Dude Got Tapped And Collapsed Like He Took A Swift Kick In The Balls.

Alexei Emelin claims he got speared on this play.  Im sorry, but that was not a spear. It was a friggin love tap. And Emelin dove in an attempt to draw a penalty. Its that simple. This guy is a pathetic excuse for a hockey player.  Pathetic.


Milan Lucic Emelin Ball Tap








Former Canuck (And Current Canadien) Dale Weise Is Talking Shit About The Bruins. This Doesn't Surprise Me At All.



From WEEI:
Habs forward Dale Weise shared after Montreal’s morning skate Monday that the Canadiens actually wanted the Bruins to win Saturday night against the Coyotes so the Habs could have the opportunity to snap the streak Monday night at TD Garden.

"We were checking the score the other night against Phoenix, and Phoenix was up going into the third period and we were kind of hoping Boston would come back and win so we would get the chance to knock them off," €Weise said.

Professional hockey players are supposed to be just that:  professionals.   You respect your opponent and you play the game.  That's it.  The trash talking is supposed to be left to the fans and bloggers like me.  Which is why Dale Weise taking verbal jabs at a team that has just won 12 straight games just makes him look like a wicked big douche.

Honestly, Im not surprised to hear this clown running his mouth.  Remember, Weise is the guy who once baited Shawn Thornton into dropping his gloves and then skated away like a whiney little bitch. Here's the video where you can actually read his lips when he says, "lets go, let's go."

I reiterate, this guy is a douche bag.
















So, Peyton Manning Turns 38 Years Old Today




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Bill Belichick Skipped The Annual NFL Head Coaches Group Photo Again With A Case Of "Shove It Up Your Ass, Roger Goodell."

via @CardsMarkD

This is the second year in a row that Bill Belichick is not in the NFL head coaches group picture. Honestly,  I have no idea if Belichick just isnt invited to these things or if he has a chronic case of "shove it up your ass, Roger Goodell."  I like to think its the latter.











REPORT: David Ortiz Has Agreed To A Contract Extension That Could Keep Him Here Through 2017.



From ESPNBoston:
According to multiple sources, Ortiz agreed to a $16 million extension for the 2015 season, a $1 million bump from the $15 million he will be paid in 2014. Also in place are options for the 2016 and 2017 seasons that will vest if Ortiz achieves a certain number of plate appearances. If Ortiz triggers the option years, he will remain under Red Sox control into his 40s

Thank friggin God.  My biggest fear was that David Ortiz would finish out his contract this year and then the Yankees would throw a ton of money at him next year just to piss us off.  But nope, he is basically going to retire as a member of the Red Sox.  That is pissa.

I dont even care that Ortiz bitches about getting an extension every spring training.  The guy is the face of this franchise, he makes the owners a ton of money by putting asses in the seats and he still produces.  And now he is going to finish his career here in Boston.

The Red Sox front office did the right thing.  Period.  End of story.


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In Honor Of David Ortiz Signing A Contract Extension, Here Is A Collection Of Every One Of His Clutch Postseason Hits.

Prepare to relive your sportsgasms from throughout the years:










And Here's The "Bullpen Cop" Grand Slam On Endless Loop Just For Shits And Giggles

David Ortiz Steve Horgan Grand Slam







So, This Happened...



Boy it must suck to be the rest of the NHL right now.


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FINAL: Bruins 4 Coyotes 2



The Bruins are friggin steamrolling through the NHL right now.  They have the most point in the entire league and have now won a dozen games in a row.  Holy shit.

They were down 2-1 to the Coyotes going into the third period and didnt just lie down and die.  Jarome Iginla tied the game up on a deflection of a Zdeno Chara shot and Shawn Thornton put them ahead with 3:18 to play in the third.  Jarome Iginla added an empty netter and the bitch slap was complete.

The Bruins are now 2 wins away from tying the franchise records for consecutive wins (14) and I have a pants tent of epic proportions right now. 

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VIDEO: A Fan In Montreal Got Demolished During A Check At The Canadiens Blue Jackets Game. That Was Friggin Awesome.

Hey, I guess karma's a bitch.




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While You Were Out Getting Drunk Last Night, This Happened




The Bruins really are making the rest of the NHL their bitch. They beat the Avalanche last night, 2-0.  It was the first time all season the Aves have been shut out.

On top of that, the Bruins now have a 16 point lead on the second place Tampon Bay Lightning.  They have a six point lead on the Penguins for first overall in the Eastern Conference and are tied with the Blues for the most points in the NHL.

I could get hit by a bus and still consider today a good day. 


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It Took Claude Julien 1 Minute, 48 Seconds Before He Dropped His First "Fuck" Last Night



Jesus, the Bruins are the best team in the NHL. You'd think the little things wouldnt piss him off so badly.







And Here's Gregory Campbell And Cody Mcleod Basically Beating The Shit Out Of Each Other

I guess you could say the Bruins won the game and the dick measuring contest.  What a friggin fight.










VIDEO: Five Years Ago Today, Tuukka Rask Assaulted A Milk Crate And It Was Friggin Awesome.

The date was was March 21, 2009. Tuukka Rask was playing for the Providence Bruins and thought he got screwed by the refs during a shootout.  Then this happened:










So, The Bruins Are Playing The Colorado Avalanche Tonight.



I understand that the Avalanche retired Ray Bourque's number in 2001, but I really feel like shitting on someone today.

Ray Bourque played for the Colorado Avalanche for a total of 15 months (94 games).  He played 20 years with the Bruins.  He won the Calder Trophy here and five Norris Trophys.

Yet the Avalanche had the balls to retire his number and hang it in their rafters.  That is just stupid.  Im sure his 15 months in Colorado were special and he did win a Stanley Cup, but memo to the Avalanche front office:  Ray Bourque is ours, bitches. 

And lets not forget, the Colorado Avalanche used to be the Quebec Nordiques so as far as Im concered, they still have Nordiques DNA.  Seeing the number 77 and Ray Bourque's name hanging in their rafters just pisses me off.  Its not right.


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Its A Slow Sports Day, So Here's A Fight From A Hockey Game In Some Other Country Involving Fans (And A Goalie And Ref Going Apeshit).








REPORT: Julian Edelman Says He Stayed In New England Because Of His "Dawg" Tom Brady.



From ESPN:
Not only did he land a four-year contract from the Patriots with a maximum value of $19 million, of which $8 million is guaranteed, he also remained teammates with Brady. “It would be very tough to leave him because he is my dawg,” Edelman said Thursday on a conference call. 

Edelman and Brady, teammates since 2009 who have lockers next to each other at Gillette Stadium, were working out together at Southern California last week prior to the start of free agency.

That is a great quote.  And Im not saying that because he just made Wes Welker look like a dick. Julian Edelman gets it.  He really gets it. 


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Okay, Torey Krug Is A Funny Bastid

Torey Krug is literally a foot shorter than Zdeno Chara (5' 9" versus 6' 9") and has no problem letting the world know. Ladies and gentlemen, your Tweet of the Day:










Today Is Bobby Orr's 66th Birthday




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So, This Happened



With the win, the Celtics now have the sixth worst record in the NBA and their chances of winning the Draft Lottery decreased to  6.3%.  But, so what?  Anytime you can shit on Ray Allen, et al its a good night.

And I dont give a shit that LeBron didnt play.  It doesnt matter.  Obnoxious Heat fans have to wake up today, read the sports section and read about how the Heat lost to the Celtics--a team that has been tanking all season and basically has nothing to play for.  Sucks to be them.






Meanwhile, Up In Toronto...

During last nights game between the Maple Leafs and the Lighting, some asshole ran onto the ice...and proceeded to get roughed up by security.  Enjoy:










I Dont Mean To Start Shit, But I Think Julian Edelman Is Going To Be In The New Entourage Movie.

We all knew Rob Gronkowski was going to make a cameo in the upcoming Entourage movie. And Tom Brady was seen with the director the other day. Now Julian Edelman posted this picture on Facebook:

via Facebook/JulianEdelman

I dont know if Gronk is just bringing his own entourage to the set every day or these guys will be in the movie.  I really hope all three are in it.  That would be pissa.