Apparently Some Douchey Gourmet Food Shop In Quebec Decided To Vandalize Sam Adams Beer. Well, Hardy Fucking Har Har.

Fine & Futes, a wicked snobby sounding "gourmet food shop" outside of Montreal, apparently thought it would be funny to vandalize Sam Adams beer.

There is good natured fun, there is being a ball buster and then there is being an asshole.  I think we all know what this is.

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In Case You've Never Seen It, Here Is Jack Edwards' Epic Rant About How Canadiens Fans Try And "Dictate Morality" And Are Basically Douchebags.

Let me paint the picture. It was 2011. The Bruins had just eliminated the Canadiens from the playoffs and Jack Edwards was all fired up.

He decided to sign off by going on an epic, borderline maniacal, rant about Canadiens fans and how they stick their nose at the rest of the hockey world and somehow ties in the Revolutionary War and the Boston Tea Party.

Anyway, on this eve of the next great Bruins Canadiens battle, listen and enjoy:

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Its Official. Game 1 Will Be Tomorrow Night.

Here's the full schedule:

Game 1: Thursday, May 1, 7:30 in Boston
Game 2: Saturday, May 3, 12:30 in Boston
Game 3: Tuesday, May 6, 7:00 in a shit hole
Game 4: Thursday, May 8, 7:00 in a shit hole
Game 5: Saturday, May 10, TBD in Boston
Game 6: Monday, May 12, 7:00 in a shit hole
Game 7: Wednesday, May 14, TBD in Boston

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This Masshole's "Fuck The Habs" Video Is Wicked Pissa.

The only flaw is that one of the pucks went into his "fuckin nayba's yahd." Other than that, this video is perfect.

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Yup. This Sounds About Right.

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VIDEO: There Was A Huge Fan Brawl Last Night Between Flyers Fans And Rangers Fans. These People Are Friggin Animals.

Remember, the winner of this series goes on to play the Penguins.  Shit, I actually feel bad for Penguins fans right now.

FINAL: Red Sox 7 Tampon Bay Rays 4

On one of the coldest nights of the season, John Lackey dominated the Tampon Bay Rays (and he didnt need pine tar). He pitched eight inning, allowed two runs, only one walk and struck out five.

Shane Victorino had a hell of a night too.  He went 4 for 4 and had two RBIs.

And if you think the Red Sox sucks so far this season, just be thankful that we arent the Rays.  They are 11-16 and dead last in the AL East....and they have no hope.  None.

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Just Another Reason To Hate Canadiens Fans: Remember, They Once Booed The National Anthem.

This is from Game 7 of the 2008 Eastern Conference Quarterfinals in Montreal. The douchebaggery begins at 1:28 (and listen at the 2:42 mark when someone says, "real classy.  Fucking dirt bags.")

Then there was that time they drowned out the National Anthem with chants of "Go Habs Go" before a 2009 playoff game (the douchebaggery begins at the 1:48 mark):

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This NEEDS To Be Made Into A Poster And Handed Out At The Garden For Game 1.

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Don Cherry Trolled All Of Canada By Wearing A Bruins Tie On Hockey Night In Canada Last Night. I Shit You Not.

And people bash Jack Edwards for being a homer. This is Don Cherry, co-host of the nationally televised Hockey Night in Canada, wearing a Bruins tie and a gold jacket last night.  I like his balls.


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VIDEO: Here's A Compilation Of Some Of The Canadiens' Oscar Worthy Dives Complete With Jack Edwards And Andy Brickley Pissed Off Commentary

And this is why people hate the Canadiens.

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In Case You Didnt Know

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Your Tweet Of The Day

Hannaford in New Hampshire gets it.


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FINAL: Bruins 4 Red Wings 2

This series was about what I expected. Remember, I did predict the Bruins would win in five games. I figured the Red Wings would steal a game but in reality, this was the best team in the NHL playing a number 8 seed.

Yawn...on to the next round.

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This One Deserves A Second Headline

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This Sounds About Right

The Bruins Are Moving On To The Next Round. You Know What That Means.

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US Hockey Olympian (And Fellow Masshole) Meghan Duggan Threw Out The First Pitch Last Night And Mocked Michael Pineda. I Shit You Not.

This actually happened.  Danvers native, and US Hockey Olympian, Meghan Duggan threw out the first pitch last night in front of 37,356 people and did what any good masshole would do. She mocked Michael Pineda by touching her neck before she threw the ball.  I could not be more proud right now.

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This Sounds About Right

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FINAL: Bruins 3 Red Wings 2 (OT)

This one is for the self proclaimed "hockeytown" of Detroit:

This is the game Detriot was supposed to steal. The Bruins were half assing it for the first period and the Red Wings were supposed to catch the Bruins with their foot off the gas and steal this game. And they didnt.

The Red Wings had this game too. Hell, at one point it was 2-0...and then the Bruins scored three straight goals.  So after four games the Red Wings, a team that most Bruins fans were afraid of because they beat the Bruins three times in the regular season, are on the brink of elimination.

The Bruins can finish off these bitches at home on Saturday.  The Garden is going to be friggin rockin.  I cannot wait.

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Guess Who Wore The Bruins "Jacket Of The Game"

This guy.

Via @JoeGiza

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Tuukka Rask Absolutely Stoned Justin Abdelkader In Overtime. I Mean, He Made Him Look Like An Asshole.

Tuukka Rask isnt getting much attention this series, but he has quietly made some friggin huge saves including this one in overtime last night:

Tuukka Stones Abdelkader

And here's the video complete with a Doc Emerick mini sportsgasm:

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Brad Marchand Owes Jarome Iginla A Beer...Actually, Many Beers.

Jarome Iginla saved Brad Marchand's ass. I mean, the net was wide the fuck open.

If the Bruins lost this game, the series would be tied 2-2 and Marchand would have gotten shat on for a long time to come.

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Your Tweet Of The Day

Yea, Milan Lucic Looked Just A Little Excited After Iginla Scored The Game Winner

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The Latest Poll Results Are In...And Im Not Surprised At All.

via SportsNation

This is a real poll on SportsNation right now and it just blows my mind.

The reality is Michael Pineda broke the rules.  He got caught and will be suspended.  Yet, New Yorkers have the balls to think that its just no big deal.

I just cannot comprehend the concept that their guy got caught cheating and somehow its Major League Baseball's fault.  Like they are the bad guys for having this rule in place. 

This just further proves my point that New York sports fans are some of the most arrogant, self centered, egomaniacal, pompous assholes in all of sports. 

It Takes A Real Arrogant Son Of A Bitch To Do What Michael Pineda Did Last Night

Did he really think he would get away with it?  I mean, what kind of arrogant prick applies a wad of pine tire on their neck the size of a band-aid and just expects no one to say anything?

What cracks me up is that he didnt have it on in the first inning.  So, its not like he could say it was a bruise or rash. 

This one deserves a second headline:

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In Case You Missed It, Here's The Video Of Michael Pineda Being Inspected And Ejected By The Ump In Its Entirety.

He must feel like such a dick.

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VIDEO: Joe Girardi Pushed The ESPN Camera That Was Recording Michael Pineda In The Tunnel After His Ejection.

Hmm....I wonder what else the dude was hiding.  Heres the video:

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FINAL: Red Sox 5 Yankees 1

Before last night, John Lackey had given up six runs in each of his last two starts.  He also lasted less than six innings in each of those starts.  Well, last night he took his head of out his ass.  The dude had a season high 11 strikeouts and made the Yankees look like a bunch of assholes. 

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This Video Of Every Stanley Cup Celebration Since 1949 Is Pissa.

And Sidney Crosby's celebration (at the 2:29 mark) is definitely the douchiest.

To Anyone Who Thinks Brad Marchand Was Faking An Injury, Here's The "Shut The Fuck Up" Proof That He Wasnt.

There were a lot of assholes on Twitter last night (along with one asshole who writes for the Sporting News and a wicked big asshole who writes for SB Nation) claiming Brad Marchand was faking an injury because he grabbed "the wrong knee" after his collision with Brendan Smith.

Well, those ignorant pricks need to stop just seeing what they want to see and actually go back and look at the tape before pouncing on Marchand.

That right knee was twisted in ways it's not supposed to be twisted.  So, for all the internet tough guys out there, this is your "shut the fuck up" moment.  Sure, it's easy to hate Brad Marchand, but to spew propaganda to further your agenda is ignorant, irresponsible and just plain douchey.

The authors of those articles on SB Nation and The Sporting News owe Brad Marchand and the Bruins organization an apology.  I thought trolling was just for internet forums and comment sections.  I guess I was wrong.

By the way, Brad Marchand responded to the internet tough guys after the game last night:


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FINAL: Bruins 3 Red Wings 0

I was feeling a little cocky after game two.  Now, Im convinced.  The Bruins have better forwards, better defensemen, better goaltending, and are better coached than the Red Wings.

Sure, people were nervous coming into this series, but it really does feel like a #1 seed playing the lowest seed in the East.  Yawn.

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THIS Is How Badly The Red Wings Sucked In Game 3

via NESN

Honestly, I cant believe people were afraid of the Red Wings coming into this series.  I mean, it's almost not fair.

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FINAL: Yankees 9 Red Sox 3

That game sucked so, in lieu of a headline recapping the game, here are videos of Yankees fans getting hit in the face with baseballs. Enjoy.

This douchebag Yankees fan is talking on his cell phone when the ball bounces and hits him directly in the face.

This loser appears to reach for the ball and flat out misses....then gets hit in the face.

In this video, the ball appears to ricochet and hit the asshole in the back of the head.

I this one, the lady holding the camera gets hit in the head with a foul ball.  Sucks to be her.

I feel bad for this lady...actually, no I dont.

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VIDEO: Jacoby Ellsbury Kinda Sorta Got Booed In His Fenway Return. It Actually Sounded As If People Didnt Give A Shit About Him.

The only thing worse than hearing boos rain down on you is hearing half ass boos raining down on you.  It basically means people just dont give a shit about you. And that's what happened when Jacoby Ellsbury got up to bat for the first time at Fenway Park as a Yankee.

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It Happened 7 Years Ago On Patriots Day. Damn, Has It Been That Long?

It was April 16th, 2007. The Red Sox were playing their annual Patriots Day game. JD Drew hit a foul ball into the right field seats and Angels outfielder Garrett Anderson tried to catch the ball. Then in happened:

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FYI, If You Ran The Boston Marathon There's A Chance Tom Brady Was Watching You.

And this is why the Boston Marathon is awesome.

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Well, Look Who Was Back In Boston

Former Bruins defenseman and Boston fan favorite Andrew Ference is volunteering at the marathon finish line this year. “It’s great, I miss the city obviously,” said Ference, who was helping with recycling efforts in the finish area.

“It’s like home to me and my family. Coming down, we got the Bruins, Sox, and the marathon in a couple days span so it’s been great.” The Edmonton Oilers captain was also at the TD Garden Sunday to see the Bruins’ 4-1 win over Detroit.

Andrew Ference gets it.  He really gets it.  And he gets us.

Remember, last season Ference and Shawn Thornton were doing an interview with Pierre McGuire and were asked about the people of Boston and how we responded to the Boston Marathon bombings.  He summed us up perfectly and even called us massholes on national tv (at the 3:19 mark):

As far as Im concerned, Andrew Ference will always be a Bruin.  And I will always consider him an honorary masshole.

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Officer Horgan Looks So Friggin Sick Of Raising His Arms

Meanwhile, Over In Ohio

This is from the R-Bar in Columbus, the official bar of the Columbus Blue Jackets.  They get it:

Oh My God, If This "We Will Run" Boston Marathon Video Doesnt Give You Chills Then You Dont Have A Friggin Pulse.

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The Red Sox Won On A Walkoff In The 9th Last Night. I Feel Bad For The Poor Bastids Who Went To Bed Early.

The Red Sox were down 0-5 at one point.  This friggin team, man.

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FINAL: Bruins 4 Red Wings 1

The Bruins were playing "fuck you" hockey in Game 2. Thats the best way I can explain it. In Game 1, both teams were feeling each other out. Game 2 was a more typical Bruins game and in the end, the Red Wings lost 4-1.

It sucks to be them.  I mean, today proved that the Red Wings cannot play Bruins hockey.  They just cant.  Im not saying this series is over, but the Bruins are in their heads and if they keep playing intimidating, balls to the wall hockey like they did in Game 2, this is going to be a quick series.

Honestly, Id be surprised if Tuukka Rask allows another goal in this series. The only goals the Red Wings have scored on this series have been flukey for Christ's sake.

For the record, I picked the Bruins in five.  So far, so good.

VIDEO: Apparently Jesus Was At The Bruins Game On Easter...And Kinda Got Kicked Out.

For full disclosure, Im not sure if Jesus is getting kicked out of the Bruins game in this video or is just being asked to move away from the glass for being a dick. Either way, this video is just weird.

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This Is Easily THE Picture Of The Series

This needs to be made into a post and plastered all of Detroit for Games 3 and 4.

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FINAL: Red Wings 1 Bruins 0

Fuck it.  Its only game one.

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And The First Sucky Fan Video Of The Bruins Red Wings Series Is Courtesy Of Some Wicked Lame Rapper Named "Baby G."

This dude calls himself "Baby G" and this song is called "Throw Your Wings Up (Octopi 2014 Edition)" and it sucks. I hope Baby G hasnt quit his day job.

Friday Is Finally Here

A lot of Bruins fans are scared of the Red Wings and honestly, I have no friggin idea why.

The reality is, the Bruins have the deepest team in the NHL, the best goalie, the best head coach, the most experience of any team and they have the "let's win it for Iggy" thing going.

They arent a one dimensional team relying on some wonderboy to take them to the promised land (like the Penguins). Fans should feel good about that fact and they should have a ton of confidence going into this thing.

The fact is, the Bruins are the only true elite team in the Eastern Conference and other teams should be scared of them.

And let's be serious, with the realignment, the Red Wings are no longer in a Mickey Mouse division and in the end, they finished as the lowest possible seed in the Eastern Conference seeding (they had the least amount of wins and tied for the least amount of points).  Fuck them.  This isnt their playoffs.

So, other than their cool uniforms and inflated legacy from playing in such a weak assed division all those years, what are they? They are the lowest seed playing against a team with five 20 goal scorers that rolls out four lines every night and has the best goalie in the NHL between the pipes.  The Red Wings and their fans should be scared shitless right now.

My official prediction: Bruins in 5.

And before people start bitching about how the Red Wings beat the Bruins three times this year, remember the Bruins didnt beat the Penguins once in the regular season last year and we all know what happened in the Eastern Conference Finals.

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This Needs To Be Made Into A Poster And Placed All Over Boston. Now.

Holy Shit, This "Calm Before The Storm" Video Literally Has My Heart Racing Right Now. 7:30 Cant Get Here Fast Enough.

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VIDEO: Here Are All 30 Of Patrice Bergeron's Goal From This Season In 3 Minutes.

FINAL: Red Sox 3 White Sox 1

Thank God for Jon Lester. White Sox starter Chris Sale was pitching his balls off too, going 7 innings and allowing one run with 10 strikeouts, and Lester kept the Red Sox in this game.

He ended their three game losing streak too, like the ace of the pitching staff is supposed to do.  The Red Sox front office has to get their heads out of their asses and sign this guy.

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So, Apparently I Broke Up Jon Lester's No Hitter Last Night

Going into the sixth inning, Jon Lester had a perfect game going and I just couldnt help myself. I had to spread the word. Needless to say, the perfect game, the no hitter and the shutout were gone within minutes of this tweet...and then the floodgates opened.

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AUDIO: Old Friend Jonathan Papelbon Got His Fourth Save Of The Season Last Night, Then Literally Farted At Reporters.

The following is audio of Jonathan Papelbon answering reporters' questions. At the 23 second mark, is audio of Jonathan Papelbon farting at said reporters. Well played.

Xander Bogaerts Tweeted A Picture Of Some Lady In A Thong Last Night Then Proceeded To Shut Down His Twitter Account. Okay Then.

Last night (or should I say early this morning), the Red Sox beat the White Sox in a 14 inning marathon game that lasted five hours and seventeen minutes.

After the game, Xander Bogaerts tweeted this picture:

Rather than just delete the tweet, he deleted his entire Twitter account (@XanderBogaerts is now just a page that says "sorry, that page doesnt exist).

I guess that was the responsible thing to do.  Especially considering Tyler Seguin got dumped into hockey purgatory for doing stupid, immature shit and Tim Thomas basically got run out of town for being irresponsible on social media.

That's too bad though.  I was looking forward to his next tweet.

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This Hockey Night In Canada Stanley Cup Playoffs Montage Has Me All Fuckin Fired Up. I Cannot Wait For Friday Night.

The NHL playoffs are unlike any other playoffs in professional sports, they really are. Its an absolute marathon and every series is a battle. This video has me all friggin fired up for Friday night.

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Here's Another "I Am So Fuckin Pumped For The Playoffs" Video To Get You Warmed Up For Tomorrow Night.

VIDEO: Dennis Seidenberg Is Skating Today And He Doesnt Look As Crippled As Claude Julien Makes Him Sound.

This is video of Dennis Seidenberg skating at Bruins practice this morning (4/17). Im not a professional scout and Im not a doctor...but this dude isnt skating like a guy who is, as Claude Julien says, "not even close."

(video via WEEI)

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The Latest Poll Results Are In....

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FINAL: Wizards 118 Celtics 102

Technically, the Celtics finished with the same record as the Utah Jazz and they each will have a 10.4% chance of winning the NBA Draft Lottery.  The only teams that will have a better chance are the Magic (15.6% chance), the76ers (19.9% chance) and the Bucs (25% chance).

Their goal was to get a high draft pick and they will.  The worst they can do is pick 8th.  All in all, Id say this season was a success. 

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Because I Havent Shat On Sidney Crosby In A While

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EA Sports Predicts The Bruins Will Win The Stanley Cup This Year. Dont Get Excited. They're Full Of Shit And Have Been Wrong Five Years In A Row.

The President Trophy winning Boston Bruins return to the Stanley Cup Finals for their second straight year. This time though, they manage to lift their second Cup in four years, disposing of the San Jose Sharks in six games. 

Boston Bruins goaltender Tuukka Rask wins the Conn Smythe Trophy finishing the playoffs with an outstanding 1.56 GAA, .948 SV% and four shutouts. Jarome Iginla wins his first Stanley Cup, after previously reaching the finals a decade prior with the Calgary Flames!

These EA Sports simulations are the kiss of death.  Im telling you, they are the new SI Jinx.  I wish they would stop doing them.  All they do is piss people off.

For the record, here are their predictions from the past five years (with the eventual winner in parenthesis):

2009: Bruins (Penguins)
2010: Penguins (Blackhawks)
2011: Canucks (Bruins)
2012: Rangers (Kings)
2013: Blues (Blackhawks)

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