FINAL: Packers 26 Patriots 21



Fuck it.  You can't win them all.  Hey, the Patriots are still the #1 seed in the AFC. So, there's that.



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VIDEO: Here's The Isolated Audio Of Tom Brady Screaming "Fuck" On The Sidelines.

I hear ya, Tommy Boy. I hear ya.





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Your Patriots Packers Keys To The Game



This game is going to come down to the Patriots running game and the secondary.  If the Patriots run the football down the Packers' throat, this game could get ugly real quick.  The Packers simply cannot stop the run.

And their offense is as one dimensional as they come.  It's Aaron Rodgers and that's about it.  Don't feed me the bullshit that Eddie Lacey is an elite running back just because he got drafted early in your fantasy league.  The guy is a friggin joke.

That being said, you do have to respect Aaron Rodgers and that offense.  So, my official prediction is: Patriots 56  Packers 17.



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Happy Thanksgiving, Massholes.




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MASSHOLE WEATHER ALERT!!!



Drive safely, my fellow massholes.



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This Sounds About Right

via @LJcartoons









Your Tweet Of The Day

@MassholeSports

Technically, the Cubs have offered Jon Lester "north of" $135 million for six years, whatever that means, and the Red Sox, according to CBS Sports, have made an offer "close to" $130 million for six years.

I really hope Jon Lester does the right thing and chooses comfort and the chance at another World Series over sucking with Theo for the next half decade.



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PHOTO: The Red Sox Introduced Pablo Sandoval With A Press Conference Today Then Had Him Pose With A Dude In A Panda Costume. I Shit You Not.

First this happened:



Then this:



I understand the marketing thing, but I think the Red Sox are trying just a little too hard with this one.  I mean, this is just tacky.



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FINAL: Penguins 3 Bruins 2 (OT)



The headlines everywhere else will read, "Malkin's two goals lead Penguins past the Bruins."  The reality is, the Bruins got screwed.  One of the disallowed goals was obviously a goal.  There is no doubt in my mind.  Meaning, that game was pure bullshit.



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Yup, The Bruins Got Screwed Last Night.



The refs ruled that this puck was intentionally knocked in by Carl Soderberg.  It was obviously a bullshit call.  And the Bruins lost to the Penguins 3-2 in overtime.

If they had gotten this call right, the Bruins basically would have won the game.  And if my aunt had a dick, she'd be my uncle.



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This Actually Happened.



The Hanley Ramirez deal is reportedly for 5 years and $90 million. The Pablo Sandoval deal is reportedly for 5 years and $100 million. My friggin head is still spinning right now. I don't even know how to make sense of this.

This team needs pitching badly and they just spent $190 million on a third baseman and a shortstop.  What the hell does this all mean and how the hell does this make any sense?



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Ladies And Gentlemen, Your 2015 Boston Red Sox




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FINAL: Patriots 34 Lions 9



No team has scored more than 24 points against the Lions all season.  And today, the Patriots dropped 34 on them.  That's how friggin hot this team is right now.

Not only did Tom Brady throw for 349 yards and two touchdowns, Steelers castoff LeGarrette Blount had two touchdowns.  Seriously, the Steelers look like such assholes right now.  Tim Wright also had two touchdowns and now has six on the season.

And the Patriots secondary did it's job and absolutely shut down the Lions receivers.  Matthew Stafford didn't even throw a single touchdown for Christ's sake.

The Patriots have now won seven games in a row and there is no other team even on their level right now.  They've won their last four games by at least 21 points and in their last three games, they've bitchslapped the Lions, Colts and Broncos--all division leaders.

Screw the Arizona Cardinals, the Patriots are the best team in the NFL right now.  Period.  End of story.



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VIDEO: Lions Center Dominic Raiola Tried To Injure Zach Moore On The Last Play Of The Game And Then Admitted It To The Media. What A Dick.

Here is the last play of the game today. That is Lions center Dominic Raiola going low on Zach Moore.




And after the game, Raiola admitted it.

From the TheDetroitFreePress:
“I cut him,” Raiola said. “We took a knee, so I cut the nose (tackle). They went for six (a touchdown). They went for a touchdown at 2 minutes. They could have took three knees and the game could have been over. It’s football. He wants to keep playing football, let’s play football. Not a big deal. It’s football.”

What a fucking dick.  Your move, Goodell.



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Wow. Chris Burke Of Sports Illustrated Looks Like The Biggest Asshole Of Them All Right Now.

@ChrisBurke_SI


And he gets paid to write about the NFL.  Sports Illustrated actually pays this guy for his "expertise" and opinions.  Well, today he kind of looks like an asshole.  Four games down and the Patriots are 4-0.


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What Do You Do When A Dude Gets In Your Face After A TD? How About This.

Tim Wright has swagger. I friggin love it.










Here Are The Patriots Lions Keys To The Game



Over their last six game, the Patriots are averaging over 40 points a game.  Sure, the Lions are allowing a league low 15.6 points per game but there is no reason to think this Patriots offense is going to slow down.  Plus, stats are for losers.  My official prediction:  Patriots 45  Lions 10.



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The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Seems To Think LeGarrette Blount Leaving The Steelers Was A Bill Belichick Conspiracy. What A Bunch Of Assholes.



From The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:
Did LeGarrette Blount walk out on the Steelers so he could walk right back to the New England Patriots?
There is no evidence that occurred, but the way the whole thing transpired can raise suspicions and speculation that it was planned. Without skipping a beat, Blount went from a team fighting to make the playoffs to one among the favorites to win it all.

Why wouldn’t there be suspicions that it was all planned? Although there are tampering rules that prohibit players of one team or their representatives from contacting other teams, that goes on all the time.

Who is to know if someone’s agent calls someone on another team and says his halfback could easily get out of his contract with his team if the other would like to have him? No one would know except the agent and the other team’s rep.

Wow.  Talk about a smear campaign.  How the hell did this article make it past layers of editors?  It sounds like something you would read in the comments section of a shitty Steelers blog or something.

The bottom line is, the Steelers had no idea how to use LeGarrette Blount so they limited his playing time and the dude was pissed off.  He didn't know he would be cut after his revolt.  To say the Patriots tampered and orchestrated his exit in Pittsburgh is irresponsible and kinda douchey.

I can't believe this was actually published in a major media outlet.  Whoever the assholes are who run that newspaper owe the Patriots organization, Bill Belichick and Robert Kraft a public apology.



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The Bruins Lost To The Canadiens, But At Least They Won The Dick Measuring Contest.

Here is Torey Krug whaling on Alex Galchenyuk:



And here's Gregory Campbell punching that douche Dale Weise in the face:

















PK Subban Posted A Picture With Bobby Orr On Instagram This Morning...And I Think I Just Puked A Little Bit.

The Canadiens are coming to the Garden tonight for the first time since bouncing the Bruins in the playoffs last season and PK Subban posted this picture on Instagram this morning.  What a ball buster.

via Instagram/Subbanator

The greatest defenseman in the history of the NHL and the most overrated defenseman in the history of the NHL (and one of the biggest pussies).  Yea, I think I just puked in my mouth. 



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According To The Nerds At FiveThirtyEight, The Patriots Are The Most Likely Team To Win The Super Bowl. Wicked Pissa, Kid.



From FiveThirtyEight.com:
Three weeks ago, the Denver Broncos looked like an easy choice for the NFL’s best team after back-to-back impressive wins: a 42-17 thumping of the San Francisco 49ers, followed by a 35-21 victory over the then-seventh-ranked San Diego Chargers. Since then, however, Denver has arguably been the coldest team in the league. Or at least, nobody has shed more points off of their Elo rating since the end of Week 8 than the Broncos

Let's be serious.  The Arizona Cardinals aren't going to win the Super Bowl.  And we all know that the Broncos are frauds.  That leaves the Patriots as the only elite team in the NFL.  Period.

This is a team that has been playing with a thorn it it's ass since losing to the Chiefs seven weeks ago.  A team that has won six games in a row and finishes the season with games against the Dolphins, Jets and Bills.

I don't mean to sound like an arrogant prick, but if I had the money I'd buy a plane ticket to Arizona today.



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REPORT: The Patriots Signed LeGarrette Blount To A 2-Year Deal.


From NFL.com:
LeGarrette Blount will return to Bill Belichick's stable. The running back, released by the Steelers on Tuesday, was at the Patriots' facility Thursday and subsequently signed a deal, the team announced. NFL Media Insider Ian Rapoport reported the contract is for two years, per a source informed of the situation.

Blount was cut this week after leaving Monday night's game early, displeased that he didn't get a single carry in Pittsburgh's win over the Titans.

I don't even give a shit that he walked off the field during a game.

The Patriots just added depth, experience, a guy who understands the Patriots system and a guy who hates the Steelers.  And they can cut him anytime they want.  I have absolutely no problem with this signing.



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That Goofy Bastid Mikey Adams Wrote Another Song. This One Is Called "Wonderin Why The Lions Suck."

If this song doesn't get nominated for a Grammy, there is something seriously wrong with the system.





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Your Tweet Of The Day




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FINAL: Bruins 2 Blues 0



The Bruins were missing defensemen Kevan Miller, Zdeno Chara and Adam McQuaid and they still won this game.  That's because Tuukka Rask was friggin awesome.  He had 33 saves and shutout a team that is white hot right now.  Fuck yea.



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PK Subban Got Bumped From The Cover Of US Edition Of Sports Illustrated For Jonas Gray. That's Pissa.



From YahooSports:
P.K. Subban, the charismatic star defenseman for the Montreal Canadiens, made the cover of Sports Illustrated.  What’s the fine print? “Only subscribers and newsstands in Canada will receive this issue.”
So what’s the U.S. issue of Sports Illustrated look like? “Jonas Gray, Because Of Course Jonas Gray.” Really takes away from the fact that the Subban story ISN'T EVEN MENTIONED ON THE COVER OF THE U.S. EDITION.

That is pissa.  Sports Illustrated basically told PK Subban to screw.  And I love the fact that he isn't even mentioned on the cover.  No one wants to read about that arrogant prick in the states anyway.  Kudos, SI.



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This Sounds About Right...



Andrew Luck is now 0-3 against the Patriots in his young career.  And he is basically Peyton Manning version 2.0 over there in Indianapolis.

As long as Tom Brady is in this league,  Luck will have to get through him to get to the Super Bowl.  Good luck with that, bitch.



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FINAL: Patriots 42 Colts 20



So, the Patriots went into Indianapolis and basically made the Colts their bitch.  Pissa.

They have now won six games in a row and have to be considered the clear favorite to win the Super Bowl.  The national media has to stop fucking around and start talking about this team and THE elite team in the NFL.  Period.

I'm not surprised the Patriots scored 42 points. I'm really not.  Christ, during their five game winning streak they scored 43, 37, 27, 51, and 43 points.

What kinda surprised me was that this dude Jonas Gray was the one who made the Colts his bitch.  That's Belichick for you.  Remember, the last time the Patriots played the Colts, LeGarrette Blount ran for 166 yards and four touchdowns. 

And what's probably isn't going to get talked about is the fact that the Patriots held the highest scoring team in the NFL to 20 points.  This defense, and the secondary especially, is something special this year.

Now on to Andrew Luck.  This dude threw for his tyical 300 yards (303 to be exact) and still got the loss.  He is starting to look more and more like Peyton Manning every day.  I feel bad for the guy actually.  As long as Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are around, he will never win a Super Bowl.  Mark my words.

Anyway, on to Detroit.



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PHOTO: Jonas Gray Figuratively (And Literally) Gave The Colts A Swift Punch In The Dick. This Screenshot Deserves A Pulitzer Prize.




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Yup, Tedy Bruschi Looks Like An Asshole Today.

Believe me Tedy, this hurts me more than it hurts you:



I don't know what the hell Tedy Bruschi was thinking. To think that Bill Belichick couldn't stop a one trip pony like this Colts team is just dumb.

The Colts ran the ball for a total of four yards yesterday.  Four friggin yards.  Belichick knew they were going to throw it all day and he had two weeks to plan for it.  And in the end, the Patriots won their sixth straight game and exposed the Colts for the frauds they are.

And this hurts to say, but Tedy Bruschi looks like the biggest asshole of them all today.


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VIDEO: Gronk Gave Us Probably The Goofiest TD Celebrations Of All Time Last Night. I'm Still Laughing My Balls Off.




Honestly, this dude is a friggin beast so he can do whatever the hell he wants as far as I'm concerned.  If he wants to dance and swing his tongue around on the sidelines, I am completely fine with that.



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Meanwhile, Over In St. Louis...



Damn, I did not see that coming.



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Your Patriots Colts Keys To The Game



My official prediction: Patriots 51  Colts 14.  And Andrew Luck throws three more interceptions against a team that he will be having friggin nightmares about for years.



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This Song "Luck Won't Beat Brady Tonight" May Be The Weirdest Friggin Patriots Fan Song Of All Time.

It appears Mikey Adams is smoking the good stuff these days.  Seriously, the only way a grown man could write this song is if he was high or if he never mentally developed past the age of ten.  Actually, I've listened to Planet Mikey...I may have to go with both.






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I Really Don't Want To Have To Call Tedy Bruschi An Asshole On Monday Morning, But...


Tedy Bruschi watches a lot of football.  How can he lazily say that this game will come down to an Adam Viniteri field goal?

He knows that Tom Brady is playing MVP caliber football right now.  He knows the Patriots have won five in a row.  He knows the Patriots have been the most dominant team in the league since that loss to the Chiefs.  And he knows Andrew Luck has shit his pants both times he's played the Patriots (0-2 with 4 touchdowns and 7 interceptions).

Come on, Tedy.  Calling you an asshole on Monday morning is going to break my heart.



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Rex Ryan Got Fined $100,000 For Shouting "Fuck You" After Win Over Steelers. Sucks To Be Him.




From ESPN:
Ryan was fined $100,000 by the league for his profane outburst last Sunday after his team snapped an eight-game losing streak with an upset win over the Pittsburgh Steelers, a source told ESPN's Chris Mortensen.

In six-plus seasons as the Jets' coach, Ryan has been fined a total of $225,000 for three separate outbursts.

This time, Ryan was caught on camera yelling "F--- you!" to someone on the field.

That's pissa. So, not only are the Jets sucking ass this season, Rex Ryan just got humiliated for basically being a dumb ass and screaming "fuck you" when he knew the camera was on him.

And I'm not sticking up for this assclown, but seriously $100,000 seems a little over the top.  If anything, the NFL should have fined him $100,000 for sucking as a head coach.  It would have made a lot more sense.



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FINAL: Canadiens 5 Bruins 1


How the hell does a team win five games in a row and then get blown out in back-to-back nights?  That just pisses me off.



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Well, The Bruins Lost The Game And The Dick Measuring Contest. Here's Matt Fraser Getting His Ass Kicked By Nathan Beaulieu



It was just one of those nights.






And Here's Gregory Campbell "Fighting" Dale Weise.




Ugh.














The Bruins Played Like Shit Last Night, So In Lieu Of A Recap, Here's A Bunch Of Pictures Of Bruins With Claude Juliens 80's Mustache



How the fuck do you lose to the Toronto Maple Leafs 6-1?



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Here's Seth Griffith's "Holy Shit" Goal Called By A Spanish Speaking Soccer Play-By-Play Guy

You knew this was coming.





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FINAL: Bruins 4 Devils 2



I don't know how the hell this team is doing it. They've now won five games in a row and are 6-1-0 since Zdeno Chara got injured.  Patrice Bergeron, Reilly Smith, Seth Griffith and Carl Soderberg all scored for the Bruins.



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This Pretty Much Sums Up My Sunday

@MassholeSports




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VIDEO: This Is What Happens When A Jets Fan Walks Around New York City For Five Hours.




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Someone Flew A "Jets Rebuilding Since 1969” Banner Over Metlife Stadium Today. I Shit You Not.

Seth Walder of the New York Daily News tweeted this picture today from Metlife Stadium:


And here's a closeup:



I don't know who paid to have that banner flown over a stadium full of pathetic Jets fans, but I like their  balls.



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VIDEO: Keith Olbermann Went On His Most Obnoxious Rant Yet, This Time Shitting All Over The Original Six.




Jesus H Christ, talk about splitting hairs.  I can simplify things:  the Bruins, Blackhawks, Canadiens, Red Wings, Maple Leafs and Rangers are the "last surviving six teams" from before the expansion of 1967 and therefore have been given the clever nickname, the Original Six.

Most people are well aware of the fact that these teams aren't literally the first six teams in the NHL.  This miserable prick really needs to take the stick out of his ass.



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FINAL: Celtics 101 Pacers 98

>

This team can't catch a friggin break.  Sure, they got their first win since opening night but Marcus Smart left the game with 11:07 left in the fourth after twisting his ankle and according to Brad Stevens, "it’s a sprained ankle, or broken, we don’t know."  That sucks.




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FINAL: Bruins 5 Oilers 2


Not only did the Bruins score four goals in the third period, they scored three in a 2:34 span. Dougie Hamilton had three points in that span.

Loui Eriksson, Dougie Hamilton, Milan Lucic, Reilly Smith and Carl Soderberg all scored for the Bruins.  They are 7-2-0 in their last nine games and 9-6-0 overall on the season.  Pissa.



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The New York Papers Get It.



Yup.



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VIDEO: Tom Brady Was Mic'd Up On Sunday And Asked Gronk "How The Fuck Did You Catch That?" After His One Handed Catch.

My thoughts exactly.




Here's the catch he was talking about, complete with Broncos cornerback Chris Harris Jr's "what the fuck just happened" reaction (#25):





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FINAL: Bruins 2 Panthers 1 (OT)



David Krejci, Zdeno Chara, and Torey Krug are all out for the Bruins, so I'm not even going to shit on them for having to go to overtime to beat the pathetic Panthers.  Brad Marchand is on fire right now (with four goals, two assists and six points in his last three games) and the Bruins have now won three games in a row.  I have nothing to bitch about.



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VIDEO: The Bruins Played A Tribute To Shawn Thornton And The Camera Panned To His Mother Crying...And I Nearly Lost My Shit.

Shawn Thornton was the epitome of a Bruin--the dude played with heart, pride, balls and he literally got punched in the face for his teammates.  I am so friggin glad the Bruins made a tribute video for him.  He deserved it.






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In Honor Of That Tough Bastid Shawn Thornton Returning To The Garden Tonight, Here Are His Greatest Moments In A Bruins Uniform.

It is going to be so friggin weird seeing Shawn Thornton face the Bruins tonight in a Panthers uniform.  The guy was the heart and soul of this team for a long time and will always be a Bruin to me, I don't care what uniform he wears.

Anyway, before I get too sentimental, here are some of his greatest moments as a Bruin:


That time he fought Dan Carcillo in the first ever fight at a Winter Classic:





That time he scored an end-to-end goal, cerka Bobby Orr:





That time he beat the shit out of Matt Cooke in Cooke's first game vs the Bruins after ending Marc Savard's career:





That time Zac Rinaldo leveled Johnny Boychuk and Shawn Thornton proceeded to beat the shit out of him:





Quite possibly the prettiest penalty shot in the history of the NHL:





That time he squirted that whiny bitch, PK Subban, in the face with water during garbage time of a playoff game and pissed off the entire city of Montreal:





That time he got jumped by six Canucks and sparked a brawl:





That time he told Dale Weise that he could, "pick the hand I beat the fuck out of you with:"




Then, of course, there was this:




I miss this guy so fucking much.



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The Latest Poll Results Are In

via SportsNation


This is an actual poll on ESPN right now.  It appears the national hard on for Peyton Manning has shifted to Tom Brady...and I am fine with that.  People have finally seen the light.



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The Weather Channel Did A Segment Calling Out Belichick For Saying Meteorologists In New England Are Wrong. Well Hardy Fucking Har Har.



First of all, how dare they question the wisdom of Bill Belichick?  What balls.

Secondly, they completely missed the point. Bill Belichick wasn't talking about the temperature. He was talking about the fact that most of the assholes on tv around here are quick to predict snow and rain and typically change their forecast daily.

It is very rare that the forecast they give on Thursday for Sunday is accurate.  And Bill was right again.  Every channel in Boston was calling for a rain/snow mix on Sunday.  And like Belichick said, at game time the only water we saw was on the Gatorade table.

Maybe The Weather Channel should stick to the weather and stop questioning the genius who brought this region three Super Bowl Championships.



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FINAL: Patriots 43 Broncos 21



Tom Brady threw for 333 yards, four touchdowns, one interception and the Patriots now have the best record in the AFC (7-2).  Holy shit, who would have thunk that a few weeks ago.

On top of that, Peyton Manning threw for 438 yards and still lost the game.  That sums up the Brady - Manning "rivalry" in a nutshell.  It really does.  Brady wins when it matters and Peyton just keeps racking up shallow, individual stats.

Peyton Manning is such a friggin fraud.  He really is.



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Does Trent Dilfer Look Like A Dick Right Now Or What? The Patriots Have The Best Record In The AFC. This Dude Needs To Be Fired.

Remember that time Trent Dilfer was giving his post game analysis and boldly declared that the Patriots were "not good anymore?"  He was basically the first national tv guy to shit on the Patriots.  Well, right now this guy looks like a douchebag of epic proportions.





When you're job is to be a professional football analyst, you have a responsibility to be professional.  I mean, this guy isn't one of those blowhards who just slings bullshit for the sake of slinging bullshit.  He was serious.

In his professional opinion, the Patriots organization is "weak" and "they're not good anymore."  Which is why he needs to be fired. Like now.  He sucks at his job and is doing a disservice to anyone who follows the NFL.  He should not be on tv.  Period.



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A Lot Of People Picked The Broncos To Win, But Today Kurt Warner Looks Like The Biggest Asshole Of Them All.


This is not photoshopped.  Kurt Warner is just a friggin moron.  He actually predicted that the Broncos would beat the Patriots by 20+ points.  He's another one who doesn't deserve the title of "NFL analyst."  The dude just lost all credibility.

These media types with a hardon for Peyton Manning make me sick to my stomach.  This game was basically for the number one seed in the AFC, which the Patriots now hold.  It was being played in Foxboro and the weather was wicked shitty.  Anyone with half a brain should have known that Peyton Manning was going to shit the bed.

These asshole have to start doing their jobs and get Peyton's jock strap out of their mouths.  It's getting embarrassing.


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Yesterday Was A Good Day On So Many Levels, But Mostly Because Of This...




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Yup, It's Official.