Have A Safe And Happy New Years My Fellow Massholes!!!



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Some Dude At Grantland.com Says Brady's Contract Restructuring Was Only Done To Make It Easier For The Patriots To Cut Him. Thanks For Shitting On My Day, Pal.


From Grantland.cpom:
It’s been written up as a move of superstar largesse, a deal designed to make it easier for the Patriots to retain their stars and win another Super Bowl with Brady at the helm. That just simply isn’t the case. If anything, this is a move designed to make exactly one thing easier: Brady’s eventual departure from the Patriots.

The only way out under the old deal would have been a trade, and Brady couldn’t guarantee he would have gone somewhere with a chance of success. Now, because the Patriots can cut him without having to pay his future base salaries, Brady could hit the market as an unrestricted free agent and choose his next destination for whatever suits him and his family.

Brady’s cap hit over the next three seasons isn’t reduced by a single penny by making this decision; in fact, with the $1 million raise, he’s actually taking up slightly more cap space than he would have before this renegotiation. It will not be any easier for the Patriots to retain Darrelle Revis, Devin McCourty, or any of the other players for whom this new Brady deal is supposed to facilitate easier contract extensions.

A part of me thinks this guy is just another Patriots hater looking to shit on Tom Brady and the Patriots organization.  But what if he is right?  What if Brady just got mind fucked by Robert Kraft and essentially tricked into making it easier (cheaper) for the Patriots front office to cut him at some point over the next few years?

My mind is not going there.  I refuse to believe that Robert Kraft is that much of a dick and that this was all some sort of plan to screw Brady and get him to dig his own grave and walk right into it.  For the love of Christ, I hope it's not true.



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And Now Fitzy Presents: Shit Pats Fans Say 2015 Playoffs Edition




Once again, Fitzy nailed it.



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FINAL: Bruins 5 Red Wings 2


Wow, I did not see that coming.

The Bruins had a season high 45 shots and beat a damn good Red Wings team without Patrice Bergeron or Milan Lucic and everyone in the lineup had at least one shot on net (except Tuukka Rask).

I don't know what lit a fire under their collective asses but, shit I'll take it.



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FINAL: Bills 17 Patriots 9



What's annoying is that history will say the Bills beat the Patriots but the reality is they beat the Patriots practice squad that was half assing it because they wanted to stay healthy for a deep playoff run.  If Bill Belichick wanted to, this team would have destroyed these bitches....and if my aunt had a dick she'd be my uncle.

Anyway, onto the playoffs.



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VIDEO: The Crowd At Gillette Sang Happy Birthday To The Dude Who Started The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge Today. That Was Wicked Pissa.

Pete Frates, the guy who started the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, was at the Patriots game today and at one point the entire crowd at Gillette sang Happy Birthday to him. Robert Kraft gets it. He really gets it.

via NFL.com


UPDATE: The NFL is kinda douchey with their videos and won't let me post it here, so CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE VIDEO ON NFL.com.



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Awe, The Bills Are So Cute.

And by cute, I mean pathetic.

@BuffaloBills









Here Are The Keys To The Patriots Bills Game



My official prediction:  I don't give a shit.

This is basically a preseason game.  All I care about is guys staying healthy and not getting injured.  That is it. Seriously, if Gronk pulls a hamstring or Brady tweaks an ankle in a game that means literally nothing I'm going to be bullshit.

I'll be shocked if Tom Brady plays more than a half in this game.  And if Jimmy Garoppolo has a good game and I hear even one person in the media talk about a "quarterback controversy" I am going to rip them a new asshole right here on Monday. Stay tuned.



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FINAL: Blue Jackets 6 Bruins 2



This was a game that a team fighting for a playoff spot is supposed to fucking win.  Im sorry, but these guys have to take their collective heads out of their asses real soon before this season goes entirely to shit.


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Here's Wishing Everyone A Wicked Pissa Christmas!





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Meanwhile, Over In Cincinnati...



Only three things are certain in life: death, taxes and Peyton Manning shitting all over himself in big games.  Seriously, four interceptions?  In the Broncos biggest game of the year?  What a friggin joke.  Honestly though, I'm not surprised.  I don't think anyone is really.


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Jets Rookie Calvin Pryor After Loss To The Patriots: "We're The Best 3-12 Team In The History Of Football." What The Hell Does That Even Mean?



This is a real quote from Jets' safety Calvin Pryor:
"If you look at our season, besides two or three games, we've been in every game. You can cut it and slice it how you want to. I think we're--what are we, 3-12?--I think we're the best 3-12 team in the history of football. No doubt about it." 

What's sad is that the Jets are going to continue to suck for years to come if players with this type of mentality are on the team.  I mean, losing is supposed to suck.  It's supposed to hurt and it's supposed to motivate you.

A dude thinking that a 3-12 team is good is just pathetic.  I mean, it is just such a friggin Jets thing to say.  It really is.  I know this is cliche, but you play to win the games and your record is what it is.  And at the end of the day, the Jets suck...and they don't even know it.  And that is pretty sad.



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FINAL: Patriots17 Jets 16



The Patriots half assed it this game and still beat those sad sacks from New York.  Fuck it, ugly wins are still wins. And the Patriots have now clinched a first round bye.



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SOMEONE CALL THE FCC. REX RYAN MOUTHED "FUCKING SHIT" ON THE SIDELINE!!!



He looks like a man who knows he'll be unemployed (and a laughing stock) soon.  He really does.



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Here Are The Patriots Jets Keys To The Game



Seriously, the only way the Patriots lose this game is if the team bus breaks down and they have a bunch of security guards and janitors put on Patriots uniforms and take the field.

My official prediction:  Patriots 52  Jets 3



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VIDEO: An Idiot Reporter Asked Rondo Why He Chose To Come To Dallas...And Things Got Kinda Weird.



Wow, that was kind of a dick answer, huh?

I get that it was a stupid question, but he at least could have given a cliche answer like, "we have a great chance to win" or something. Actually, why do I give a shit? He's not even our problem anymore.


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I Don't Mean To Piss On Your Friday, But...

>

From WEEI:
Lester signed with the Cubs for six years and $155 million, with a vesting option for a seventh year.  Everyone keeps coming back to the reported four-year, $70 million offer the Red Sox gave to Lester during spring training last season. 

What if the Red Sox came in with a higher offer — such as the Cliff Lee, five-year, $120 million deal — would Lester have accepted? “That is one of those deals where hindsight is 20/20. You go back in time and you look at it and you go, ‘probably yes,’” said Lester.

Fuckin Larry.



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With Rajon Rondo Gone, No One Is Left From The 2007-2008 Team. I'll Be Honest, I'm Feeling A Little Sentimental.



I'm sorry but Ray Allen is dead to me and will always be dead to me.  The Celtics offered him a better deal than the Heat and he left because he was pissy about Danny Ainge trying to trade him and because he had a hard on for LeDouche James.  That's just bullshit.

He could have been the better man.  He could have stuck with Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett until the end and they could have rode off into the sunset together.  But he was a dick about it.  Hey, he made his bed, now he's lying in it.

Anyway, this isn't about Ray Allen.  It's about the fact that this era in Boston Celtics history is over...and that kinda sucks.


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So, Rajon Rondo Finally Got Traded.


So, the Celtics have reportedly traded Rajon Rondo and Dwight Powell to the Mavericks for Brandan Wright, Jae Crowder, Jamar Nelson, a 2015 1st round and draft pick and a future 2nd round draft pick.

Well, thank you for your service, Rajon. It was a nice run and you should be eternally kissing Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen's asses for making people think you were a superstar in this league.  Don't get me wrong, Rondo isn't a bum.  But anyone who thinks this guy is an elite point guard needs to put down the Celtics Kool Aid and get their head examined.

There will always be idiots who say, "ya but he's a triple double machine."  Ya, big shit.  Triple doubles aren't exactly hat tricks.  I cannot believe this guy had the balls to come out publicly and say he wants a max contract.

Anyway, time for the Celtics to start tanking again.


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I Think We Have Our Proof That Rajon Rondo Will Be A Dallas Maverick Soon...

Ive been hearing rumors all day about how the Celtics and Mavericks are in "serious" talks about trading Rajon Rondo.  Then, this happened:




That is a screenshot of the Dallas Mavericks twitter page.  And yes, they are officially following Rajon Rondo.  Hmmm.  Seriously, why would a team follow a player on a different team? So, you heard it here first, folks.



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REPORT: The FCC Got Complaints About Tom Brady Mouthing The Word "Fuck" During Packers Game. Fuckin People.



From TheSmokingGun:
A recent televised cursing spree by Tom Brady prompted several viewers to write the Federal Communications Commission and lodge complaints that their lip-reading kids were exposed to the NFL star’s blue language.

Though the network did not air audio of the 37-year-old Brady’s exhortations, his curse of choice was obvious. The FCC received three indecency complaints about Brady:

 Here are the formal complaints:





People need to lighten the fuck up.  I guarantee each of the people who complained have accidentally dropped an F-bomb with a kid in the room at some point in their lives.  So let's be serious, Tom Brady mouthing the word "fuck" isn't exactly corrupting their precious little minds.


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Cole Hamels Was At The Celtics 76ers Game Last Night. I Guess That Means A Trade To The Red Sox Is Imminent.



Im joking, of course.  The game was played in Philadelphia.

So, either he just felt like getting out of the house and watching a basketball game (between two of the worst teams in the NBA) or he knew people in Boston would be watching this game and just felt like busting balls.

Im going with the latter.



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The Dolphins Are Bitching That The Patriots Lined Up Illegally On That Blocked Field Goal. Awe, Somebody Call The Waaambulance.

According to Ben Volin of the Boston Globe, the Dolphins have reportedly submitted video of this play to the NFL league office for review.



The Dolphins are reportedly claiming that the Patriots lined up illegally because Jamie Collins was on the line of scrimmage, giving the Patriots seven players on the right side of the ball, which is illegal.

Here is a still shot of Jamie Collins:

via @BenVolin

I'm sorry, but I may have to call bullshit.

A part of me thinks the Dolphins are only doing this to feed all the trolls who like to call the Patriots cheaters.  I mean really, what the hell is the point of submitting this to the league office other than to rile up the Patriots haters?  They lost by 28 friggin points.

So get ready, folks.  The trolls have been fed.  



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As If The Patriots Needed Any More Motivation...



From DenverPost.com:
Nothing can stop Denver from winning the Super Bowl, according to Broncos defensive tackle Terrance Knighton.

"It doesn't matter what happens. At the end of the year, we're hoisting that trophy," Knighton said Sunday, after Denver beat San Diego 22-10 to clinch the AFC West title.

"I don't care if New England doesn't lose again. I don't care where we have to play. I don't care who our opponent is. We're not going to be satisfied until we hoist that trophy.
So if we've got to go to New England (in the playoffs) and win somewhere we're not used to winning, we're going to make it happen."

What an asshole.  Seriously, he's probably so stupid that he actually believes he's giving his team confidence when all he did was give the Patriots bulletin board material and guaranteed a Broncos ass whipping in the AFC Championship game...if they even make it that far.



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FINAL: Patriots 41 Dolphins 13



So, the Patriots treated the Dolphins like the bitches they are and in the process clinched their sixth straight AFC East Title and their 11th in the last 12 years. Yawn.


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Here Are The Patriots Dolphins Keys To The Game


I have zero tolerance for idiots who say, "ya but they beat the Patriots earlier this year."  Listen, it was the first game of the season and the Patriots approached that game like a fifth preseason game.

This was back when Danny Amendola was actually getting the ball thrown to him and some guy named Kenbrell Thompkins was playing for the Patriots.  Rob Gronkowski was a shell of himself and the offensive line was a friggin mess.

Anyone who thinks the Dolphins have a chance today simply because they already beat the Patriots once this season needs to first take their head out of their ass, then needs a good smack upside it.


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Some Douchebag Columnist At The South Florida Sun-Sentinal Thinks The Key To A Dolphins Victory Will Be Late, Violent Hits On Tom Brady. Are You Shitting Me?

Omar Kelly of the South Florida Sun-Sentinal has been tweeting all day about the Patriots Dolphins game. And here is his insightful, thought provoking analysis as to how the Dolphins can beat the Patriots on Sunday:

@OmarKelly

Basically, he thinks the key to beating the Patriots is to injure Tom Brady. He actually believes this and is spewing this bullshit (I get that it was a retweet and this dickhead didn't actually write it, but a retweet is an endorsement).

I would expect something like this from a twitter troll or a loser blogger.  But a paid columnist saying the key to winning is to injure the quarterback? That's friggin low.  And pretty lazy.

I feel bad that Dolphins fans have to read this garbage.  And to be honest, I'll be surprised if this dude has a job come Monday morning.



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VIDEO: Well, You Knew This Was Coming. Some Little Kid Lost His Shit Over The Cespedes Trade.



Damn, this dude was with the Red Sox for two months. Just imagine the meltdown if David Ortiz or Xander Bogaerts got traded.



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Im Sorry But Anyone Calling Dennis Seidenberg Dirty For This Hit On Jonathan Toews Is An Asshole.




Dennis Seidenberg was called for boarding on this play, which I guess I understand (even though he was clearly playing the puck and not the body) but anyone calling Seidenberg a dirty player is just a Bruins hating asshole who is looking for a reason to pounce on this team.

Im not blaming Jonathon Toews, but Dennis Seidenberg is not a dirty player. Period. Sometimes you just lose your footing. Sometimes you just land awkwardly. And sometimes you get called for boarding when a dude loses his footing and lands awkwardly. Hey, shit happens.

Im not going to get pissy about the bullshit boarding call and Blackhawks fans shouldn't get pissy because your guy landed awkwardly and drew a bullshit penalty.  Let's move on, people.


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The Bruins May Have Lost The Game But At Least They Won The Dick Measuring Contest...

Watch Andrew Shaw try and be a tough guy and knock down Milan Lucic after Torey Krug's goal...and watch Chris Kelly proceed to whip his ars:







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UPDATE: Here's The 2015 Red Sox Projected Starting Rotation As Of Right Now.

As expected, the Red Sox have traded Yoenis Cespedes for starting pitching.  He went to the Cubs, along with Alex Wilson, for Rick Porcello.

And last night, the Red Sox traded Rubby De La Rosa, Allen Webster and a no-named minor leaguer to the Diamondbacks for starter Wade Miley.

There are also reports that they're signed Justin Masterson.  So, the pieces are falling into place.  As of right now, here is the 2015 Red Sox starting rotation that is expected to take us to the promised land:




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Jon Lester Tweeted A Very Classy Goodbye To Red Sox Fans...And I Responded The Only Way I Know How.

@MassholeSports


Someone had to say it.  Seriously, Jon Lester has always been a class act on and off the field. Larry Lucchino, on the other hand, has always been kind of a prick.



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So Theo Epstein Won The Lester Sweepstakes.



I guess Jon Lester likes sucking more than World Series parades.  Actually, he likes the green stuff more than World Series parades.  The Cubs are light years from competing for a World Series yet he chose them over the Red Sox.

Let's be serious, he isn't going to bring them to the promised land.  I guarantee he will hate playing there after year two or so and the Cubs will be trying like hell to dump that ridiculous contract on to someone else.

Anyway, the contract is for 6 years, $155 million and reportedly has a vesting option for a seventh year.  The Red Sox highest bid was reportedly 6 years, $135 million.  So, the spoiled little prick, Theo Epstein, got his man.  Whoopy friggin do.  On to Max Scherzer and Chris Sale.



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It Looks Like Theo Epstein's Master Plan Is Basically To Reassemble The 2013 Red Sox Roster



Brilliant move, Theo.  Real smart.  Just sign a bunch of guys who won a World Series together once and hope it happens all over again.  That's why you get paid the big bucks.







Kudos To ESPN For Giving Larry Lucchino And Company A Swift Kick In The Balls

Honestly, I figured Lucchino and his henchmen would find a way to manipulate the media and make Jon Lester look like the asshole.  But nope.

Nice headline, boys. I couldn't have said it better myself:


via ESPN


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This Sounds About Right



(if you don't get the reference, do yourself a favor and watch the movie Say Anything)



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Gronk Will Be On The Cover Of ESPN The Magazine This Week Wearing A "Sexy" Gold Chain. Okay Then.



I think it's kind of tacky myself but honestly, as long as this dude stays healthy and keeps scoring touchdowns, he can wear whatever the hell he wants as far as I'm concerned.

This issue hits newsstands (whatever those are) on December 12th.



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Your Tweet Of The Day



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AnnaLynne McCord Wore A Gronk Inspired 69 Shirt To The Patriots Chargers Game. Um...Okay.

If you live under a rock and didn't hear, Rob Gronkowski went full frat boy last week and taped 69 to the back of his shirt during practice:



Well, last night in San Diego, this happened:


via Busted Coverage

Yea, I think AnnaLynne McCord wore it better...and I think the dude eye fucking her in the front row agrees.



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We Witnessed Probably The Bullshittiest Call In The History Of The NFL Last Night.

Brandon Browner was actually called for a "helmet-to-helmet" on this hit.



And as you can see, the call was complete bullshit.  So, Devin McCourty's ensuing interception and touchdown were called back and instead of the Patriots leading 20-14, they still trailed 13-14.

It's kind of a moot point now considering the Patriots won, but if the officials had done their jobs and got the call right, the Patriots would have won 30-13 instead of 23-13...and if my aunt had a dick she'd be my uncle.

Anyway, here is Bill Belichick trying to explain to the refs that, "he hit him in the fucking shoulder."



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FINAL: Patriots 23 Chargers 14



Leading up to this game, a lot of the hype was about that fact that Tom Brady and Philip Rivers were both great quarterbacks in December (coming into this game, Rivers was 33-6 and Brady was 45-7).  But in the end, Rivers couldn't do shit against this Patriots defense. 

They held Rivers to 189 yards, one touchdown and sacked him four times.  They also allowed a season low 216 total yards.  That is wicked pissa.  Just to give you some perspective, Tom Brady alone threw for 317 yards, along with two touchdown.

So in the end, the Patriots are still the #1 seed in the AFC and clinched their 12th straight season with at least 10 wins....and the Chargers are fighting for a playoff spot.  Sucks to be them.

Oh yea, and do you know what's friggin awesome? The Patriots' next three games are against the Dolphins, Jets and Bills.


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I Don't Think I've Ever Seen Tom Brady THIS Fired Up On The Sideline. Ever.

Brady Sideline Maniac

Im usually pretty good at reading lips on the sideline, but I have no friggin idea what Tom Brady is saying right here.  The dude was in full lunatic mode.



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Sure, The Patriots Won And There Is No Such Thing As The Bieber Curse But.....



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Here Are The Patriots Chargers Keys To The Game




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VIDEO: Ed Reed Picks Patriots Over Chargers Then Switched His Pick After He Saw Picture Of Them With Justin Bieber




If the Patriots end up losing this game, I am going to rip Justin Bieber a new asshole.  Stay tuned.



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Paul Pierce Paid Homage To Boston (And The Boston Accent) In A Wicked Pissa Video

I know he is coming back on Sunday as a Washington Wizard, but Paul Pierce will always be a Celtic. Always.





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FINAL: Sharks 7 Bruins 4



I understand they have some injuries but this is getting friggin ridiculous. This team has to start playing with some balls and find a way to win despite the Chara and Krejci injuries.  This is starting to piss me off.

As of right now, the Bruins are the second wild card team (basically the 8th seed).  They can't just go through the motions and wait for these guys to return.  Like I said, they have to cut the shit.  Now.



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Tuukka Rask Did An Interview With A TMZ Wannabe And Things Got Real Weird Real Quick.

I don't know what was more bizarre: the drunk dude from South Africa crashing the interview or watching Reilly Smith whisk away that hoochie mama.





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Hmm. Rajon Rondo Was Seen Eating Breakfast With Kobe Bryant In Boston Today...If You Give A Shit.

Obviously, the dude on the laptop doesn't give a shit.  Anyway, it appears the Lakers have started recruiting Rajon Rondo rather early.  ESPN NBA reporter, Baxton Holmes, tweeted these pictures today:


via @BaxtonHolmes

via @BaxterHolmes


Now the question is:  will the Lakers trade for him this season or just wait until he becomes a free agent and sign him.  Stay tuned.



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VIDEO: Tom Brady Plays Gary The Telemarketer In A New Commercial And Absolutely Nails It.

It looks like Tom Brady is better than Peyton Manning at football and commercials.  Seriously, is there anything he isn't good at?






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The Bruins Lost 2-0 And Tuukka Rask Took A Puck To The Head. It Was Just A Shitty Night All Around.



I feel bad for the poor bastids who stayed up to watch this one. I mean, Niklas Svedberg made 33 saves and was pretty good. But in the end, the Bruins couldn't get shit past Jonathan Quick and have now lost the first two games of this west coast road trip. That sucks.



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