FINAL: Bruins 3 Lightning 1



Brett Connolly scored the game winning goal in the third period (and his fourth goal in five games) and the Bruins just beat a Tampon Bay team that is supposed to be pretty good this season.  Wicked pissa.

I'll be honest, when the Bruins started 0-3 I thought these guys were going to mail it in this season, chalk it up to a rebuilding year and I would go to bed pissed after every game.  Fuck that.  Going 5-0-0 on the road shows this team does have balls.

I'm starting to feel like a bit of an asshole for ignoring them and obsessing over the Patriots for the past few weeks.  Well, not really.  But kinda.


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This Is Easily The Most Massholey Halloween Decoration Of All Time.



Kudos to the mystery Masshole who made this. And fuck Roger Goodell.


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FINAL: Patriots 36 Dolphins 7



With one second left in the first half and the Patriots up 19-0, the Dolphins attempted a 63-yard field goal. If it was made, it would have been the second longest field goal in the history of the NFL.

That is all you have to know about this game. THAT is how friggin desperate the Dolphins were to score points.  I'm sorry but these frauds aren't even on the same planet as the Patriots.  It was varsity versus junior varsity.  Period.

And there is nobody in the same universe as Tom Brady right now.  He threw for 356 yards, four touchdowns and zero interceptions...on three days rest.  Through the first seven games this season, Brady has thrown 2,410 yards, 20 touchdowns and 1 interception. That is just friggin absurd.

I mean, it almost isn't fair.  He's treating this entire league like a bunch of assholes.  I can't get over the fact that he did this on three friggin days rest.  They just played on Sunday for Christ's sake.

And now the Patriots have ten days to prepare for the pathetic Washington Redskins.  I feel bad for these poor bastids.


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VIDEO: Here Is Ryan Tannehill's "Oh Shit" Face On Endless Loop For Your Entertainment.

The Dolphins offense was nothing like it was last week when they scored 44 points.  They sucked, actually.  And they gave up a safety...and when they did, Ryan Tannehill gave us a pretty awesome "Oh Shit" face.





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I'm Just Going To Leave This Here...




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Here Are The Patriots Dolphins Keys To The Game




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So, Torii Hunter Is Retiring. On Behalf Of Red Sox Fans Everywhere, Thanks For The Memory, Dude.

After 19 years in baseball, Torii Hunter is retiring. Remember, he was the guy who faceplanted into the Red Sox bullpen during the 2013 ALCS and gave us this iconic picture (then proceeded to bitch about it).

Anyway,  good luck in your retirement and.....



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The Dolphins' Chris McCain Has A Pic Of Himself Crushing Tom Brady's Head As His Twitter Profile Picture. What A Stupid Son Of A Bitch.

Wow.  The Dolphins are starting their shit talking rather early.  It's only Monday.  Anyway, linebacker Chris McCain changed his twitter profile picture today.  Here is a screenshot of his Twitter page right now:

@ChrisMcCain

Yea, because getting Tom Brady pissed off is a good idea. What a dumb shit.  By the way, he didn't stop with his profile picture.  He just had to keep talking shit.


@ChrisMcCain

What is this guy, like 12 years old?  This is a friggin embarrassing to the Dolphins organization.  I cannot wait until Friday morning when this guy ends up looking like the biggest asshole of them all.


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I Think This Pretty Much Sums Up The Game Yesterday...


Coming into this game, the Jets were leading the league in fewest points allowed per game and fewest yards allowed per game.

Well, with the Patriots losing in the fourth quarter and with the Jets basically eliminating the Patriots running game (they held Patriots running backs to a total of 1 yard), Tom Brady threw for 150 yards and two touchdowns...in JUST the fourth quarter.

So yea, the Jets are still (and always will be) Tom Brady's bitch.


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FINAL: Patriots 30 Jets 23


The Patriots receivers had eleven drops.  ELEVEN.  Brandon LaFell had six alone.  If they had caught even half of those, this game would have been a blowout...and if my aunt had a dick she'd be my uncle.

Anyway, Patriots running backs ran for a total of 1 yard in this game.  That is friggin mind blowing.  But it didn't even matter.  Tom Brady was Tom Fucking Brady and threw for 355 yards, 2 touchdowns and lead the team in rushing with 15 yards.

In the fourth quarter alone, Brady completed 14 of 17 passes for 150 yards and two touchdowns....just in the fourth friggin quarter!

The score was 17-16 Jets going into the fourth and the dude was playing pissed off.  And a pissed off Tom Brady is a scary Tom Brady.  He absolutely willed this team to a win.  Seriously, this is a game the Patriots probably should have lost...if Brady wasn't a superhuman, Godlike being living among mortals.



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This Is Julian Edelman Getting Destroyed...Then Getting Right Back Up Because That's What Tough Bastids Like Him Do.









And This Is Rob Gronkowski Literally Dragging Marcus Gilchrist Five Yards After A Catch Today....Because The Dude Is A Friggin Beast.

I counted five yards and about eight steps.  Daaamn.





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And The Tour Just Keeps Rolling Along...




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Here Are The Patriots Jets Keys To The Game



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It Truly Is Fucking Amazing That There Are Still Trolls Out There Finding Reasons To Call Tom Brady A Cheater.

via @BartHubbuch

I'm not even going to post a link to the article because it is such bullshit.  But I must say, the lengths that some people will take to accuse Tom Brady of cheating blows my friggin mind.

This guy, @BartHubbuch, is supposedly a columnist for the NY Post but the reality is, he is nothing more than a professional dickhead.  He rejuvenated his career trolling Tom Brady during DeflateGate and he just will not go away.  The fact that he even posted this and is clinging to the whole "Tom Brady is a cheater" narrative tells you how friggin sad his career really is.


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VIDEO: Phil Simms Denies Patriots' Existence, Refers To Seahawks As "Defending Super Bowl Champions" On Thursday Night Football.

This actually happened last night, in front of a national tv audience.




Either Phil Simms is in denial about what happened on February 1st or he is auditioning for a job with ESPN. Seriously, how the hell does a professional broadcaster make this kind of "mistake?"

Remember, Simms publicly called Tom Brady a liar during DeflateGate and his son, Chris Simms, is a sportswriter who has made a career out of bashing Tom Brady (just google this asshole and you'll see about 90% of his articles are about how Tom Brady either sucks or is a liar with a tarnished legacy).

I'm starting to wonder if this was a mistake at all.  I mean, the dude never corrected himself during the broadcast.  So, there's that.


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FINAL: Bruins 5 Islanders 3



The Bruins got goals from Brett Connolly, Joonas Kemppainen, David Pastrnak, Ryan Spooner and David Krejci (who, by the way, is leading the NHL in scoring with 12 points in seven games) and are now 3-0 on the road.

They're 0-3-1 at home, which has made me a little bitter and pissy this season, but I'll be honest, they looked damn good in this game.  They played with balls and they won on the road.  I can't really bitch and moan about this team right now.


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Happy Back To The Future Day My Fellow Massholes.




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REPORT: ESPN To Eliminate 350 Jobs Due To "Loss Of Viewers." I Legit Have A Pants Tent Right Now.



From Bloomberg,com:
ESPN sports network, confronting rising programming costs and a loss of viewers, plans to eliminate as many as 350 positions, about 4.3 percent of its workforce, according to people with knowledge of the matter.  The cuts will be announced to employees as early as Wednesday.

The action follows Disney’s announcement in August that earnings at its cable networks won’t meet company forecasts as a result of subscriber losses and currency translation.

These scumbags made it their company mission to lie about the Patriots and spread Roger Goodell's bullshit propaganda for about eight months.

Now we're, what a month and a half into the season and they are blatantly ignoring what Tom Brady is doing--namely the fact that at 38 years old, he is friggin demolishing this league and is on pace to win the league MVP.

So hey, when you piss off an army of Massholes with your blatant anti-Patriots bias, you destroy your credibility, you damage your brand and you lose viewers.  That's just the way it goes.  So, these asshole had it coming to them.

I mean, I guarantee if Peyton Manning was doing what Brady is doing this season, they would be washing his balls daily.  The lack of coverage is friggin enraging.  But I digress.

Anyway, I hope Chris Mortenson and the rest of Roger Goodell's henchmen are the first to get a pink slip.


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FINAL: Patriots 34 Colts 27



Tom Brady threw for 312 yards, three touchdowns and the Patriots won.  They didn't kick the shit out of these rat bastids like we all wanted to see, but shit I'll take it. 

BTW, this is the first time since 2007 that the Patriots have started a season 5-0.  That is all I am going to say about that.  I'm not going to be labeled the friggin jinx.  I'm just not going there.


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At Least The Colts Will Have This. They Will Always Have This.



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Andrew Luck And Peyton Manning Have Had Eerily Similar Starts To Their Careers.



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VIDEO: Julian Edelman Violently Threw The Football AT The Colts Horseshoe After A TD. That Was Friggin Awesome.



Yea, I think Julian Edelman is just a little fired up....and probably a little pissed off.  This dude is wicked pissa.


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Move Over Buttfumble. The Colts Ran Probably The Stupidest Play In The History Of The NFL Last Night.

I guess this was supposed to be a fake punt....or something?



Whatever it was, it just surpassed the buttfumble as the most pathetic play in the history of the NFL. Period.







Your Wicked Douchey Fan Sign Of The Night


If you can't tell, it says, "We Just Assume You're Cheating Right Now."  This assclown should have just held up a sign that says, "I'm a douchebag."







Here Are The Patriots Colts Keys To The Game



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I Think This Pulitzer Prize Worthy Picture Says It All...



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Tom Brady's Dad Wants To See The Patriots "Put 60 Points On The Board" Against The Colts. I Like His Balls.



From NYDailyNews.com:
The eight months of Deflategate were difficult on Brady’s family. It’s not easy to hear your son called a liar and cheater and have his legacy questioned when you believe he did nothing wrong.
There is no doubt how Tom Sr. wants things to play out Sunday night.
“The main thing I want is to see them win. As long as they have one point more than the Colts, I’m fine,” Brady Sr. said. “That being said, I’d like to see them put 60 points on the board, and love to see Tom throw for 500 yards and eight touchdowns. That’s me dreaming. That kind of comes from me.”

Damn.  I'm tempted to make Tom Brady Sr. an honorary Masshole.  That took serious balls to tell a major media outlet you want your son to beat the shit out of another team.  I like it.


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I Am So Friggin Excited For This Game I Even Wrote A Poem About It.




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In Case You Didn't Know....




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The Governor Of Indiana Is A Dick.

This is an actual tweet from the Governor of Indiana, Mike Pence.


I can understand yahoo Colts fans clinging onto DeflateGate but the friggin governor?  Jesus H Christ, I expect a little more class and a little less ignorance from this guy.  But I guess he's just another ignorant asshole who has never heard of (or simply chooses to ignore) the ideal gas law.

If Ted Wells didn't have his head so far up his own ass and actually knew about the ideal gas law, we could have avoided all of this DeflateGate bullshit.  And if my aunt had a dick, she'd be my uncle....but I digress.


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Indianapolis Bakery Is Selling Broken Cell Phone Cookies And Deflated Football Cakes. Well, Hardy Fucking Har Har.

@TaylorsBakery


@TaylorsBakery


Cute. Real cute. It's almost like they want to piss off Tom Brady even more.  I hope they have tissue box cake ready because everyone in Indianapolis will be crying like a little bitch by Monday morning.


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VIDEO: Fitzy's Revengecast Is Probably The Most Perfect Patriots Colts Rant On The Internet Right Now.

Take your PSI and GFY, indeed.  Once again, fellow Masshole Fitzy nails it.









How The Hell Is ESPN Not Being Sued For Slander Right Now?

This was an actual graphic on ESPN:



ESPN is not being funny.  They are not being cute.  They are in bed with the NFL and they are talking shit about about the greatest quarterback to ever play the game for them.  That is a fact.  They are embarrassing Tom Brady and trying to make him look like the asshole in the bullshit DeflateGate saga when the reality is Roger Goodell was the asshole.

There is no reason why Tom Brady should be treated this way.  There is just no excuse. That network is being run by a bunch of fucking assholes and they need to be taught a lesson.  Tom Brady needs to hire a lawyer and sue their asses off.  End this bullshit once and for all.


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VIDEO: Colts' Dwayne Allen Is So Scared Of The Patriots He Won't Say Them By Name. I Shit You Not.

I can understand not wanting to talk trash and give your opponent bulletin board material but not even mentioning the Patriots by name?  That is the stuff of a team that is scared shitless.  I mean, watch this dude's face drop when a reporter asks about the Patriots.




(I know the NFL can be real pricks with their videos, so if this video gets removed or doesn't play, click here to view it on Colts.com.)


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Douchebag Indy Sportswriter: "Only A Scared Team Would Cheat" In The AFC Championship Game



From IndyStar.com:
Should the Colts concede a likely defeat, in other words, and lean on Luck’s unavailability as a crutch?

In a word: No. In two words: (Expletive) no. The Colts should give this game the best they’ve got, not because it’s the Patriots but because it’s the next game on the schedule, and the next game is always the most important game.

Besides, only a scared team would sit a healthy quarterback. Only a scared team would cheat, too. Let’s not be scared around here, OK? Let’s not be anything like the franchise coming to town on Sunday.

I can't tell if this guy, Gregg Doyel, really believes this or if he is just spewing bullshit to fire up the hometown crowd and piss everyone else off.

If he really believes the Patriots were scared of the after years of friggin owing them, then this guy is the dumbest fucking person on the planet.  And the fact that he has a job as a sports journalist is a joke.

There is no one on God's green Earth who really thinks that the Patriots were were scared in the AFC Championship against the Colts.  I refuse to believe it.  If this guy really, truly believes that then he should be locked in his mom's basement and medicated heavily because he is a danger to society.

I lost faith in humanity a long time ago, but to think that there is someone in the general population, mingling with society, who thinks that the Patriots cheated because they were afraid of losing to the Colts scares the everliving shit out of me.


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And The Tour Just Keeps Rolling Along...




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FINAL: Patriots 30 Cowboys 6



Tom Brady got sacked five times....and it didn't even matter.  Sure, mega douchebag Greg Hardy can go home tonight and brag to his lowlife friends about how he sacked Tom Brady, but it doesn't matter.

The Cowboys suck and the Patriots did what they were supposed to do.  Brady threw for 275 yards, two touchdowns and rushed for a touchdown.  LeGarrette Blount ran for 74 yards and Julian Edelman ran for 120 yards with a touchdown.

Oh yea, and the Patriots defense held that poor bastid Brandon Weeden to zero touchdowns.  That is so friggin sad.

It makes me laugh that people still refer to the Cowboys as "America's team."   Let's be serious, the Patriots are America's team right now.  You must admit, love them or hate them, they have this country by the balls right now.

Anyway, on to Indy.


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Here Are The Patriots Cowboys Keys To The Game




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FINAL: Jets 6 Bruins 2


Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that hockey is here.  But I'm not going to lie. That was friggin brutal.



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Hockey Season Has Begun.




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Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones On Tom Brady: "When I Saw Him Marry Gisele, Tom Went Up In My Eyes 100%."



Someone asked Jerry Jones about Greg Hardy saying that he hoped Gisele B√ľndchen was at the game on Sunday and the dude gave a really bizarre response. From SI.com:
Jones was then informed about Hardy’s reaction when asked about facing Brady this week.  Jones’s response?

“When I saw him marry her [Gisele], Tom went up in my eyes 100%. She’s very very attractive and it shows what an outstanding individual Tom is.”

So to recap, Greg Hardy was creepy as hell and said Gisele, her sister and her friends should come to the game and now Jerry Jones is taking the dirty old man angle?

I can't tell if they are just playing mind games with Tom Brady or if everyone on that team is just slightly fucked up in the head.  I'm leaning towards the latter on this one. 


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Known Domestic Abuser Greg Hardy On Facing Tom Brady This Sunday: "I Hope [Gisele] Comes To The Game." What The Hell Does That Even Mean?



From DallasNews.com
On how he views facing Brady in his Cowboys debut: "The same way I did last time I saw him, hopefully on the ground. ... I love seeing Tom Brady. He's cool as crap. You seen his wife? I hope she comes to the game. I hope her sister comes to the game. [I hope] all her friends come to the game."

That is a really bizarre way to answer a question about Tom Brady.  Especially coming from a psycho like Greg Hardy.  This guy is a scumbag of the highest order.

If you don't know, he was arrested for beat up his girlfriend back in 2014.  Here is the backstory according to SI.com:
In the protective order request, the woman said Hardy picked her up and threw her into the tiled tub area of a bathroom. He then dragged her into the bedroom, choked her, picked her up again and "threw [her] onto a couch covered in assault rifles and/or shotguns." "Hardy bragged that all of those assault rifles were loaded," the motion stated. She said that Hardy threatened to shoot her if she went to the media or reported the assault to anyone.

First of all, I don't understand why this guy even has a friggin job in the NFL right now.  Secondly, the fact that he has Gisele, her sister and her friends on his mind when he should be preparing to face the Patriots makes me think he has serious mental issues.  Like, serious.

If this is his idea of trying to get into Tom Brady's head, then I feel bad for this guys therapist.  He needs a lot of work.  This isn't trash talking.  Saying you hope the opposing quarterback brings his wife, sister-in-law and her friends to the game when you once threw your girlfriend onto a bed full of loaded guns is creepy as fuck.



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The Yankees Lost Their Wild Card Game To The Astros. So Yea, The Yankees Really Do Suck.



The Yankees literally have three times the payroll of the Astros ($219M versus $70M) and in a must-win playoff game at home, they got shutout and only had three hits.  Seriously, I would rather finish in last place and not even make the playoffs than get bitchslapped like this.

On top of all that, their $153M man, Jacoby Ellsbury, was benched for this game.  He hasn't had good numbers against lefties this season so he literally sat on the bench in a must win against Astros lefty Dallas Keuchel.  I'm so glad that pussy is their problem now and not ours.

Anyway, I don't think I'm overstating things by saying that organization is has gone to shit.


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Someone Spoofed The Masshole Fisherman's Video By Rolling Around In A Friggin Puddle In New Bedford. Okay Then.



I don't know what's more disturbing: the fact that this dude rolled around in a friggin puddle shirtless or the fact that the other dude has the commentary from the original video memorized.


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VIDEO: Terry Francona Busted Don Orsillo's Balls One Last Time With A "One Finger Farewell" Yesterday And The Camera Caught It.

Terry Francona and Don Orsillo have a history of busting each others balls.  Well, yesterday Francona won.  This actually happened yesterday:



And here's the actual video of Don and Jerry acknowledging it, complete with one final Don Orsillo chuckle:




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VIDEO: Red Sox Players Tipped Their Caps To Don Orsillo Today After The Game. And It Was Pretty Awesome.

I swear, the only people that want to see Don Orsillo go are the assholes in suits at NESN.  I don't know how he made it through the entire game without saying, "NESN sucks."





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MLB Blocked A YouTube Video Of A Sign Flying Over Red Sox Game Today That Said "Red Sox Nation Loves Don Orsillo"

Bunch of heartless pricks.  It's not even video of the friggin game.  It's video of a plane flying over a stadium with an incredible tribute to the great Don Orsillo.  So unnecessary.

via YouTube

UPDATE: Thankfully, Orsillo caught it and took a picture...and MLB hasn't ordered it removed yet:


@DonOrsillo


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REPORT: Jerry Remy's Role With NESN Next Season Is 'Not Finalized,' May Have A Reduced Roll. What The Hell Is Going On At That Network?



From TheBostonGlobe:
NESN has not confirmed the details of Remy’s status for next season, at least publicly. In the August aftermath of the news about Orsillo’s departure, NESN president/CEO Sean McGrail told the Herald that Remy — who has had an excellent season as an analyst — was in the network’s plans for next season but the specific role hadn’t been finalized.

Asked if that meant Remy would have a reduced role, McGrail said, “We don’t know yet. We're working through that." There remains industry buzz that NESN might have interest in broadcasters who have built their profiles elsewhere, including ESPN’s Rick Sutcliffe.

Remember,  this is exactly how NESN fired Jenny Dell. They "changed her role" and within months of her being removed as a sideline reporter, she was gone.

So, we're looking at a NESN broadcast booth of Dave O'Brien and Rick Sutcliffe next season?  Oh my God, that sounds so fucking boring.

Don't get me wrong.  They're both professionals and they've both been in the business for a while.  They're both just so friggin bland.

NESN knows they have us by the balls.  They know they can do whatever they want in that booth and we will still watch.  And that sucks.

The fact is, Remy and Orsillo are living legends.  They have incredible chemistry and are really good at what they do.  On top of that, they gave me a reason to watch Red Sox games even during their darkest days.  That is a talent that not too many broadcasters have...and a talent that NESN is friggin stupid to ignore.

Just thinking about a NESN booth next season without Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo pisses me off.  The fact that there is absolutely nothing we can do about it is fucking infuriating.


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This Video That Terry Francona Made For Don Orsillo Is Proof NESN Just Doesn't Get It.

How the hell could they fire a guy who gets this kind of response from a sitting manager on another team?